Ye Morning Poste

Covians Uncovered!
The shocking truth behind the Battle of Stonekeep.

Just when the horrible Rebel hordes are feasting (probably on each other) and celebrating about an apparent Victory in Stonekeep, we cunning Poste types have discovered their devious little ploy. According to done Mr Firelance, Besieger of the glorious Guardsmen Militia, the Covian rabble chose to hide amongst ?neutral? healers during the Yewish charge, causing our brave boys to lose track and falter.

How noble our trusty tinmen are! Just when you think they couldn?t get any sweeter, the turn around and give you a bunch of tulips. Metaphorically, of course.

Mr Firelance went on to claim that the Guardsmen, and indeed, the entire loyalist force, would never stoop to such acts of cowardliness, and that they?d ?Fight to the last man standing.? Good gosh - How very brave and perhaps a little sexist of him! He added, ?Conquest through fire and steel!? which I assumed to be some sort of battle cry, although exactly why he roared the words at little me, armed with only my quivering little quill, I can hardly imagine.


[A guest story coming up, along with a bit of reporting by yours truly! ? H.H.]


Disaster Strikes Trinsic
Duke Irvyn Middlethorn Kidnapped

Confirmation that the Duke has been kidnapped: on Tuesday a note was found left in the jail apparently demanding a ransom, rumoured to be 10 million gold. Sergeants Kaelyn and Orson went off to Spiritwood to investigate but didn?t find anything. However, last night Guardsman John found another ransom note. It was hard to read, being written in something only approximating normal Britannian, but with help from Countess Gwyn (not just a pretty face .. or whatever), it was deciphered. The Countess then went off to the crossroads near Britain with Guardsman John, Guardswoman Natalie, and an old man called Hearon who just happened to be passing at the time. Alas, no Duke was forthcoming, but a number of things were established: the kidnapper is a woman, referred to as a witch, and is extremely dangerous. So much so that the go-between committed suicide rather than report his failure to obtain the ransom. The trail led on to Serpents Hold, but still no Duke, only a strange series of fluttering fairies in the fire dungeon, mysterious mushrooms sprouting in various places, and a torn up book of tales about shipwrecks found in the inn. However, from various bits and pieces of information cleverly put together (let?s hope they got it right and aren?t just away with the fairies), it seems the optimum time to try and retrieve the lost Duke will be this Friday, and will involve a dangerous sea voyage.

Being the intrepid reporter I am, I sought to interrogate the public about the Duke?s sudden disappearance. - H.H.]

?I am concerned with the absence of the Duke as it forments instability. The Duke?s presence provides more stability than most would realise.? ? Imrae

?It's definitely terrible, but whoever is to blame for it will be caught, I have no doubt about that. I'm sure things in Trinsic will try and continue on without him? I blame the rebels.? - Retired Guard Tanya

?Somebuduh ?ulse kidnapped Dukuh in distruss? Oh nuh! Cecul alwuhs wuntud tuh buh ?us Prince Charmun??? ? Some idiot with a box of hats.


Orcish Migration
Are we ever safe?

There have been recent reports that bands of greenskins have been sighted around the outskirts of Trinsic. Though as of yet it is unclear where they came from, I am nevertheless trembling in my furry little boots. With so many stories of their rampaging warmongering tendencies and disgusting personal hygine, they?re practically Kaldorian maul knights!

However, some extremely biased evidence in the form of tribal marking suggests that the beastly creatures may have originated from Yew. Well, I never! You would think that such foul fiends would quickly be put to an end by the brave resident Guardsmen, but alas, they appear to have spread. Who?s going to deal with them, then? Well, guards and militias around Sosaria appear to be too caught up in fighting one another to care about the problem as it stands, and we are in perilous lack of young heroes who are into dragon bashing, orc slaying and that sort of thing. Sigh!


Captain Talon: In Profile
A peek into the life of a Kaldorian Cyclops?

Strolling into the Keg and Anchor late at night can be a terrifying ordeal. All around, all manners of creatures are throwing ale bottles around, shouting, jeering, and having deep philosophical conversations about the state of Sosaria today.

Last night though, stooped over an ale was Captain Talon of the Kaldorian army. A lesser woman would of course have just dropped her jaw and run away screaming, but I am proud to tell all of you that, after I did this, I strolled back in casually and gave him an offer he couldn?t refuse. It was, of course, a game of chess.

Knowing that you can instantly tell everything about someone by the way they nudge their pawns, I was full of anxious excitement as I slipped out my notebook and started anticipating all manner of hidden truths he might divulge. However, I was a little perplexed. Of course, the game went as predicted ? he brutishly killed off all my pieces one by one until declaring a barbaric checkmate, Kaldorian style. The man behind the board though, was quiet and reserved. Not saying much about anything, he talked a little bitterly of days gone by and how everything was better ?back in the day.? Furthermore, he expressed great interest in writing, particularly of the sort I was doing. Could it be the great Kaldorian bully has been subdued enough to consider poetry, needlework and flower arranging as an alternative to being beaten across the face and jabbed in the eye? I have wondered how the lack of morale affects the soldiers, but for once in this sorry bloody campaign, I nearly felt sorry for the winking Captain. I do hope the Loyalists won?t be too hard on him once this campaign is through.




Rumours

A salesman known as Dust has been wandering around Trinsic selling what he calls ?Diamond Jewels? for a ridiculously low price. Conman or just plain idiot? Time will tell.

It seems Jern Fretting is in the process of making a complete fool of himself by falling for VanQa. He has showered her with gifts, love poems, and been giving her a lot of attention. All this was before she was kidnapped, of course. They were also seen together at Haven Market holding hands. With her husband on a long journey (so they say) and with his wife and children safely tucked away in hiding from Iglata's threats, it seems that Trinsic's simple smith had been taking advantage of VanQa's loneliness and vulnerability. He will be disappointed. And what will Moll Sinders say when she returns?




Letters to the Editor


Dear Poste,

Regarding your story on Covians and Kaldorians in Trinsic last night, I can verify that, whilst one or two of them were genuined, a good number of them were imposters, trying to stir up trouble.
I recognised one of the "Covians" as Leo Madsen, a Sergeant in the Guardsmen Militia. A couple of the others also looked suspiciously familiar.
I made the Trinsic guards aware of this fact but not, unfortunately, before one of the imposters struck me and rendered me unconscious.
A true Kaldorian will always bear the maker's mark of a Kaldorian crafter on their armour. These imposters wore armour that was unmarked. If in doubt, check the armour for its authenticity.

Regards

Harry Donnerstag
Kaldor Viper
Army of Kalor




Announcements

The lady at Haven Market who ordered and pre-paid me for a valorite war-fork. Its ready for you to collect, of exceptional quality. You can find me in The Trinsic Rose at 7-8 pm Friday, or leave a message in the post box there for me.

Jern Fretting



What's On?

Mondays and Fridays:

The Trinsic Rose 7PM-10PM