| According to Vierna...continues
I gaze up at the yellow orb and say nothing.
How long can I hide this? It is getting worse. *curses* It is now affecting how I function. *sighs deeply* This is not like me at all. For the first time in my life I am having doubts?.I am making mistakes. Why am I being dragged down? Am I no longer in Lloth?s favour? Has she deserted me? If so why?
As is their will, Lloth and my mothers, I have established a power base. I can now open a trade route between the Underdark and the surface. Property has been legitimately secured for these purposes. I have smashed the aberration that is Von?Sah. And I have found and re-opened the Temple to Lloth. These achievements please my mother, they please the divine Spider Queen?.and yet?..
I sense a change in me. Why am I accepting some human values? Have I been on the surface too long or is this also part of the illness which affects me? I say illness but that is not what it is. Something deep down in the Abyss wants me. Something powerful and hideous is trying to pull me down. It is only my strength of will that is stopping it?..so far. But how long can I keep this up. Is the Dark Mother aware of this? Or does she no longer care?
Sleep. Ah the tiredness, this is not right. The dream?.the blackness. A blackness no Drow can know, even total darkness is unknown to me. Why can I not see? And the voice?..calling from the deep?calling me to endless sleep??Vierna?.Vierna, come to me?.you will be mine now?.nothing can save you?..
I have drawn SD and LL closer to me. Closer than a Drow should. So close that I have made myself vulnerable if they chose to strike. Is it just loyalty that holds them back? Or do they still see me too strong even in times of weakness? And Faeryl? I have pushed her from me. I have pushed away the one who needs me the most because I forbade her to try to save me. Are these errors of judgement? I must fight this with all my strength and guile. I must push the doubts away and become the Vierna Hun?ett I know I am. I must no longer be seen as soft!
Lloth I pray to you?do not let weakness be my epitaph. But I fear tomorrow, I fear I am dying. You once, when I stood before you, returned me to my quest. You said there was still much to do?..Dark Mother give me the strength to carry on??..
I watch, I assess, I report.
Vel'drav l' sil'in qu'ellar d'Hun?ett zotrethen??Jal zhal sha-rasa!!!
Lloth tlu laoles, dosst handmaiden orn naut hojh dos!!!! |