Captain's log
7th day of the 9th month
Since I seem to find myself constantly roped into children's playground games by the kids, I decided to rip-off a couple of them to keep both the guardsmen and myself entertained.
Stolen from the popular
'Duck Duck Goose' we began playing the rather more violent
'Horse Horse Llama'. The game was quite successful, with everyone having a go and seemingly enjoying themselves to some degree. Basically the premise was the same as
'Duck Duck Goose' but instead involved battering the runner as opposed to beating them in a race.
Comedic moments included Timothy Young getting continually floored every time he was 'IT' and Alexander Fraser tripping over Tanya's spear a mere three foot from his target space, giving Tanya ample time to maim him and re-claim her spot.
We then tried
'Stuck in the Mud' which didn't quite go so well as certain nameless individuals failed to grasp the basic concepts of the game and still either ran around while frozen, or in the case of those who were
'IT' battered the ones who were frozen instead of leaving them be.
I did find an excuse to shoot Karne however, admittedly it was after he knocked down Aldridge somewhat illegitimately but both them in one bolt is a substantial victory in my book.
Soon after we played a game I can't remember the name of... something involving demons or devils - I forget.
Regardless, after taking almost an eternity to describe said game and make everyone understand the rules - we began.
Basically someone would say that they were thinking of a type of object, they would whisper the correct type to me and then everyone else would guess what it was.
E.G. -
"I'm thinking of a type of pie" "Monkey pie!" "Apple pie!"
As soon as someone correctly guessed they would race whoever was 'IT' to the Workshop, round it and back.
Olaf some how expected everyone to guess Corb's famous pie - Dragon and Mushroom pie. Having seen the level of intellect we deal with on a daily basis in Stonekeep, this was a dramatic oversight.
Karne made some idiotic comment about Tanya's arse being fat, which will earn him
'death on sight' over the coming weeks. Provided he escapes each time. If he doesn't then naturally
'death on sight' will no longer be required.
Olaf decided to remind people of my escapades in my youth, mentioning the infamous pixie incident and the woman who wished to visit a 'dungeon'.
Unfortunately it later turned out that Tanya had heard everything he'd said, conveniently though I seemed to have told her about the pixie at least once before.
After that we had the
'Gentlemen's Evening' hosted by Caden D'Gar. I found myself seated between Caden and Madsen. Talk about a frigging mood-killer. Tanya invited Rhoen to attend prior to the event, to keep an eye on me I expect. Instead I had to watch my oldest son make an idiot of himself in public. I know I was once rather a bit too fond of the ladies but I can't have been
that incredibly obvious,
could I?
That odd girl in the tavern, Mia or something apparently dedicated her dance to me because of my
'kindness' towards her. Me? Kind? I wasn't aware verbally tearing someone a new arsehole on a regular basis constituted
'kindness'.
Anyway - the whole evening was a little creepy. Now don't get me wrong I don't have any issue with watching good-looking women dance around naked for my enjoyment, what I do find weird was watching it with a bunch of over-sexed junior guardsmen with their hands down their pants.
Still - I managed a jibe about Madsen not enjoying it 'cause the girls were of the wrong race. He attempted to respond with violence but realised even that was a bad idea.
Poor little boy. - Dart