Captain's log
14th day of the 9th month
So being the generous kind of guy that I am - I thought I'd organise a little picnic on a secluded island
(Paradise) for our hardworking guardsmen and women.
They'd have to find it first. Which was part of the challenge. One team sort of followed the rules and the spirit of the game, whereas the other one resorted to crime and stole a boat from a Trinsic civilian to gain an advantage.
Not that I have an issue with wreaking havoc in Trinsic.
So after I'd sent the naughty team away until I would summon them back, the other team eventually arrived to enjoy the picnic. It seemed the island was tainted by vile wytchery though, as when you stood on particular parts of the island, you couldn't hear anyone else!
It was rather bizarre and disorientating, so I quickly decided I felt safer aboard a ship. Which is saying something as I'd usually never want to be anywhere near one of those floating coffins.
Anyway - After a few naval battle games
(consisting of numerous attempts at pushing Madsen overboard) we visited Trinsic to return the stolen ship. Wandered around for ages looking for
'Stewan Seagull' or whoever.
Never found him. Did find a drow.
She didn't eat us, which was fortunate but nor did she have any brilliant advice as to where we could find Seagull. Instead after giving up on that we found a bloody clothes stall and all the women
(as well as Fraser) took it upon themselves to inspect the goods.
Tanya pleaded with me to buy her something pretty. I could have bought her anything and it wouldn't have mattered. She just wanted to embarrass me in front of the men and succeeded.
Cow. - Dart ----- ----- ----- ----- -----
Captain's log
15th day of the 9th month
So now I know never to listen to someone asking to go read a book.
There we were in the bowels of Terort Skitas, surrounded by things that were big enough to devour us whole when we notice a sodding tome on a pedestal.
Now usually I see those things and a big bleeding alarm sounds in my head and warns me to
"STAY THE HELL AWAY!". Young asked to go back and read the book because it looked
'expensive'.
In future I intend fully to follow my gut feeling and stay away from the large book guarded jealously by lich lords, swirling cyclones of poison and overgrown nosebleed elementals. Nothing good could come from it and it didn't.
I think Tanya was the only one who escaped with all her gear intact and I of course was subjected to constant mocking all evening. What she forgets is that some of us actually stand and fight the bloody things instead of crawling into a corner every time something as big as a dog leaps out at us.
Next time one of the kids asks me to read them a bedtime story, I will refuse and use the above as an example of why you should avoid reading without a heavily armed escort.
I say that but we're going back there tonight and I have every intention of bringing that book with us just to burn it in defiance and even though there's no mention of any interesting mounts on my list of 'What to expect in Terort Skitas', you never know!
Vengeance (and possibly funky horse) shall be mine! - Dart ----- ----- ----- ----- -----
Captain's log
16th day of the 9th month Ahh.. victory.
Victory through obstacles greater than we ever imagined.
Three golden lich lords, fountains of golden blood, balrons, demons, fire-breathing dogs and swirling cyclones of venom.
When I said I wished to return to Terort Skitas, I didn't quite anticipate that despite our greater numbers we'd face even greater odds.
We pushed through the dungeon quite quickly but were held at the corridor that was to be our end last time we passed through. We discovered a golden lich lord blocking our path to the foul tome sitting triumphantly atop the pedestal. Now, I've learned in my experiences with the undead that they usually avoid negotiations and usually seem to prefer the idea of biting your shoulder off rather than having a nice chit-chat. With that in mind we attacked head-on. It was going as well as could be expected, considering we were being flanked by numerous undead allies. However, soon some of the men wavered and fled, leaving the few of us remaining to stand against the on-rushing hordes alone. It wasn't long before I was calling
'FALL BACK!'... to myself.
We fell back and regrouped, taking nigh on an eternity to recover what with the constant pressures from every conceivable direction. Still Tanya completed her revival duties to perfection. Helping everyone back up as soon as was physically possible.
Still it took a while to deal with the odd presence of some sort of knock-out gas, which had an unfortunate habit of being released every time we went up or down flights of stairs. The amount of times we departed down some stairs only to wake up a few moments later stretched out on the cold floor with some sort of unholy beast picking at your belongings like you were a living, breathing market stall. It wouldn't have bothered me so much if I'd had a chance to defend myself but it seemed whoever had designed the gas-traps had it in for us poor Militiamen.
Eventually we overcame such an obstacle and devised a cunning plan to destroy the Lich Lord. Luring it to the steps and flinging ourselves at it.
Apparently fearing the upper level, the golden bastard kept himself well away from the top of the stairs, so if we needed to fall-back we were able to do so. Eventually the codger fell despite assistance from balrons and other hell-fiends.
It was about this time that we debated whether to continue, whether the book was worthy of so much sacrifice. Despite what was likely a majority vote in favour of retreating, we pressed on...
Only to find another golden lich lord. We wasted little time in drawing the ejit back to the stairs to repeat our clever tactic. It worked too, very swiftly I might add. Still, we had again lost ground and we were no-where nearer the book than we previously had been. A new tactic would be required!
We attacked quickly, showing no mercy to those who guarded the book, establishing ourselves in a formation around the pedestal whilst I ordered Footman Young to set the foul book ablaze. It worked.
However, cackling from the darkest corners of the room alerted us to the presence of yet another golden ejit.
We were hit hard, suddenly ambushed by any number of blood-fountains and poison mists.
'FALL BACK!' was in order. Only Helmgard and Tanya were on hand to hear me though, everyone else was buried underneath mounts of festering carcasses.
Still, after a quick re-group. We fell back to the upper levels. Finding a nice, quiet spot to pray to the Higher Being for passage out of this evil-infested pit of misery and home to celebrate victory.
- Dart