Vierna

I look up with contempt as I watch the cursed yellow orb hide behind a cloud.

I watch, I assess, I report.

As I patiently wait to make my move, I take time to reflect what I have seen and learned. In some 5 moon cycles much has been learned, much has been achieved?.more than I had expected. Maybe too quickly. This is a human environment and things move at human pace?this is much much too fast for my liking but I had to adapt to the pace.

I watch, I assess, I report.

As I look around this land and observe others of my race, the question flirts across my mind. What am I?
What is a Drow?

Physically I am not all that unique. 5 foot 4 inches (162cm) tall, just slightly above average height for a female. Taller than a male, who rarely exceed 5 feet (150cm). Weighing in at around 60kg, nothing unusual there. Curves in all the right places, I am told I am extremely attractive. This has more to do with my training as a warrior, keeping me fit and lithe, than any effort on my part. Generally, females are slightly physically stronger than males and that is how it should be. Nor can they endure the level of pain a female can endure. It is these aspects and the fact that only a female can prove beyond doubt the purity of a bloodline that makes us superior to males. A female always knows her offspring, a male can never be sure. He only knows what he is told.

See Drow, see evil?..wrong! Unless total self interest is evil. A Drow exists for personal ambition, to climb to the top of the ladder within the boundaries of their status. Once at the top the ambition is to stay there. If that means murder and torture, so be it. But is it evil? By necessity, I have taken on many different persona to achieve my aims. I can appear nice and kind to one or cruel and heartless to another, the circumstances will dictate how I appear. Is that evil? No. Mostly its a psychological game I play, messing with the mind. Why dispose of something when it can become a valuable asset to you. I am a user, a user for personal ambition. Is that evil?

When I first made my observations on the Drow I have seen and met on this surface, I described them as soft. Oh not in a physical or skilful sense, but in a purpose sense. They have no purpose, no reason, no sense of ambition. They are akin to the mindless zombies I have seen wandering graveyards. Clearly being so long on the surface - and the aberration that is Vhaerun - has effected their minds. They have become psychotic, a disgrace to my race! The petty felonies committed, the futile antagonism against other races, the "look at me I?m Drow - you?re dead" attitude is not how it should be. Granted there are some who have joined non Drow organisations, acting as mercenaries. This has purpose and if that Drow has ambition, the leader should beware. That is not soft. But the many others around, those that carry the Von?Sah name, they are soft. Whatever the Von?Sah?s are in all their various guises, they are no longer Drow! Natha cha'kohk pholor l' aberration nindel zhah Von?Sah!!!

I am a mass of contradictions. I can say one thing and do the opposite. I see no fault in that if my goal is achieved. It is said Drow are emotionless, but this is not quite true. We are not machines, we do have some emotions, but by necessity they are suppressed - switched on and off as required. Take the emotion of love, what is it? Outside the carnal sense, love does not exist for a Drow and because of that, I have no guilt, no remorse, no feeling for what I do. Without love, my mind is unclouded. It allows me to make the cold calculated decisions necessary, totally pragmatic, total self interest. No there is no love in a Drow and therefore no trust, only grudging respect for those who can earn it.

And the opposite of love is hate! The most powerful and dangerous of all emotions. The one which is hardest to control. The one that can blind you from the cold hard pragmatic decision. Yet the one that drives you on to fulfil your ambition. I hate my mother, I hate her for bring me into existence. I hate my unknown father, I hate him because he was too gutless to die rather than impregnate my mother. I hate my older sister because I covet her position. I hate my younger sister because she covets mine. I hate my brothers for being what they are. I hate what I am and what I am to become. I hate what I have done in the past and what I am about to do in the future. But of all the things I hate and will hate, what I hate most of all is me!!!!

I watch, I assess, I report.

Vel'drav l' sil'in qu'ellar d'Hun?ett zotrethen??Jal zhal sha-rasa!!!

Lloth tlu laoles, dosst handmaiden orn naut hojh dos!!!!

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