| Sunday 13th August
Aeries and Kai have incurred my displeasure.
Last night, Kai and I were stood on the bridge in Trinsic, talking – or at least, what passes for conversation with Kai, which is mainly silence punctuated by the odd word – when Aeries arrived.
She asked if there were any orders for her and I said not tonight, as it was Saturday. She replied that if she was to be a commander, she’d have to earn it, which surprised me a little. It had never occurred to me that such an empty-headed young girl would nurse such aspirations.
I asked if she had her eye on my title, and she said, in that stupid voice of hers “oh maybe not as low key as this,” as if being commander of the Third Battalion was akin to being a stable girl or a serving wench.
Does she not realise what a bloody struggle it was for me to earn this rank? How many times I’ve heard, “ye’ll never be commander because yer a woman,” or “there’s no point promoting ye when yer only going to go off and have children in a year or two.” How many times I’ve been passed over for promotion in favour of a man. How many times I’ve not been taken seriously because I happen to have been born a woman.
At least Paladis has faith in me, but how many other generals will see fit to promote a woman when there are men vying for the same rank?
Of course, Aeries is too vacuous to understand this. She thinks the world is a happy place full of daffodils and fluffy white clouds and equal rights for women. Bloody Dondinians. They make me sick!
At least she was smart enough to get out of my sight when I shouted at her.
Kai couldn’t understand why I was so angry, but of course, the society he grew up in was matriarchal, and there is no way he could understand the sort of prejudices women face in this world and in Gorimdor.
He asked about other times I have been angry, and then he talked about strength. The next thing I know is that he’s left me up, armour and all, and slung me across his shoulder. Of course yelled at him to put me down, but he ignored me, and marched over to the gate, where Aeries was sitting at a table, selling bread, for some reason known only to herself.
Quite calmly, he took some of the bread and offered it to me, as though it was quite normal to eat a snack whilst dangling from some giant maul knight’s shoulder. It was so undignified. I can’t believe that Kai would show me such little respect, after all that I have done for him. And Aeries, well! She made some smart comment along the lines of “commander’s going to burst” and encouraged Kai to throw me in the pond to cool off!
Fortunately he stopped short of that – I’d have sunk like a stone in my platemail – but the damage he’d already done was sufficient. It is hard enough to deal with all the prejudices as it is, but when yer own men endeavour to make ye look a fool, as if it’s some kind of joke to them, then it’s adding insult to injury. I slapped Kai pretty hard once he’d put me down, and then I went to Aeries and put my axe through her table. I hit her two, if only to knock the smile of her dumb face.
I am disappointed in the both of them, but particularly in Kai, because I thought he cared for me. It seems he wanted to see how angry I would get. He wanted to see fireworks.
I will have to decide what to do with the pair of them. I should bust Aeries down to footsoldier and see how that fits in with her career plans. Kai I don’t know. There is little that would hurt him, physically or mentally. He didn’t exactly choose the army; a demotion would have little effect on him, and he’d see a flogging as a test of endurance. I know what he fears above all else, but I cannot use that against him. To do so would be immoral.
He has disappointed me, and I can’t say I’m not upset by that. Perhaps he will learn from it, perhaps not. We shall see.
In any case, I can’t afford to dwell on it. We have a campaign to fight, and I must direct my energies towards that. Last week’s battle was a triumph. I can only hope we repeat our success. |