| I look up, but the yellow orb is not to be seen.
Vierna?..you are losing it. This blackness that is disturbing me is affecting me more and more. I must fight it?I must prevail. SD is right. Faeryl is priestess. It is her duty to do what I have forbidden. And if it all goes wrong then no one is to blame?..it will be Lloth?s will.
That I almost committed my followers to an alliance that made no sense is indicative of the state of my mind. I am allowing myself to be influenced in ways that should not be happening. Oh dear Lloth?.where have I failed you? Who is it from the Abyss that torments me? Dark Mother why have you fallen silent?
And as I sleep, the blackness surrounds me. Even after an evening of unequalled joy, I still cannot rest in peaceful slumber?..the voice comes back?..Vierna?.Vierna?..come to me?..you will be mine??.forever?..forever Vierna.
I have never feared any living thing. I do not fear pain?..I do not even fear death its self. Yet this unknown torment I do fear. For the first time in my life I fear something?I fear the unknown. If this gets out, I am doomed. My mother will not tolerate weakness and yes this is a weakness. I know this now. If I let Faeryl do what she must, is that also a weakness? Why can I not make the right decision? Why is self doubt creeping into aspects of my life? I have never doubted my myself, I know I am strong. I know I am someone to be feared by all those around me. I must fight this torment, this doubt, this weakness! Both SD and LL have told me to become strong again, they cannot help me in this, I must do it by myself. I must become the feared Vierna Hun?ett once more!
And yet this blackness, this calling to me, this vulnerability??.
I watch, I assess, I report.
Vel'drav l' sil'in qu'ellar d'Hun?ett zotrethen??Jal zhal sha-rasa!!!
Lloth tlu laoles, dosst handmaiden orn naut hojh dos!!!! |