Keina

“Do it” hissed the disjointed voice that only her ears were privy to “Do it now…go on”

Keina nodded slowly and glanced around the dimly lit healer’s hut; two familiar people slept to her right and one familiar slept to her left. The healers were the ones that had been her problems, but now their back were turned, one carefully restocking the cabinet and the other dozing with his hand propping his chin up to try and look as though he was reading a report.

“HURRY!” screamed the voice and Keina winced as she flit her eyes around, confused as to why all eyes hadn’t turned towards her with the shout. “Do it you stupid Half-Breed or you’ll not get another chance for hours!”

Keina cringed at the disapproving words and quietly slipped from the bed, dropping to her hands and knees and taking another glance around to check no one had seen. Gregor continued to place things in the cabinet, murmuring about thieving colleagues, and the other continued to doze. Hastily crawling forward with a scowl of determination, Keina stopped just short of the doors with a slight flicker of doubt. Where was she going to go anyway?

Her thoughts did not come in the gentle, logical stream that they should but rather in flashes of emotion, pictures and the occasional sentence if she put her mind to it. Her surroundings constantly confused but fascinated her as did her internal thoughts.

“Do it…” her pet repeated sourly, obviously upset with her pause and hesitation to follow his or her orders.

Keina sighed in defeat as it felt impossible to stand up to the being, and besides- it had her best interests in mind as it frequently told her. Lifting herself up to drop the stiff catch of the door, she pushed it open a fraction to peek out into the dim streets where the light clung to the flickering lanterns. Where was she going to go? She pondered again in a disjointed thought process.

“Don’t you trust me?”

Keina opened her mouth to reply but thought better of it just in time, giving only a nod instead as she pushed the door open a little more, casting a cursory glance back into the room. On returning her eyes forward the girl squeaked in shock at seeing a silver clad paladin looking down at her, a gaze of sympathy on his shadowed face for her injuries and the rumours he had heard.

His mouth moved and garbled strings of consonants and vowels whispered from it as he gestured with his sword to back inside the building, but his words were lost to her somewhere between her ears and brain. He paused a moment expectantly and was met by only a blank look in return. A few more moments passed and he sighed, gently nudging the door closed with his foot, forcing her to shift backwards so as not to get trapped.

With the door clicking closed, Keina huffed in annoyance and reached up to push on the latch again, whimpering in frustration and confusion when she was met with resistance.

“Your fault …stupid child, can’t you do anything right?” whispered the thing in a sing-song voice. Keina growled and slammed her bandaged hand against the door, gaining the attention of the dozing healer as he jerked awake with the sound and hastily scrambled around the table to scoop the small child up quickly. His failure was not lost on his employer who scowled across at him, a look of “you won’t be working here in the morning” in his eyes.

The young apprentice struggled to hold the wriggling girl as he stepped over to the bed, carefully placing her in it and wagging his finger disapprovingly.

“Stay” he commanded, knowing by now that much more would just receive a blank, confused look for his efforts. “Staaaaaay” he repeated more slowly as he gently but forcefully pushed the blankets around the prone child.

Keina grumbled in defeat and turned her head to the side to stare across at the far, shadowed wall.

“Stupid girl” the low voice hissed as the healer walked away “now they’ll be watching you closely, see what happens when you don’t do what I say when I say?”

Keina nodded with a blush of shame and pulled the covers over her head, waiting for a lull in the constant humming before she dared think her own thoughts. The high brick wall before her mind was slowly crumbling, letting spurts of information and memories through at random to pool around her feet. Immense confusion was a side effect as nothing yet fitted together without the bigger picture to look at, but it was comforting to get a look of pride from someone when she said or did the right thing. She desperately wanted to make people proud, to please them and receive the kind words and looks for her efforts. Jabbuk had given her kind words of praise when she’d done something right and it had been the one thing she’d strived for in the end, to make him look upon her with a certain glimmer in his eye, one of acceptance and approval.

Different things here brought that approval, things that confused her but it didn’t matter as long as she received it none-the-less.

Starting to hum a tune of her own, one that she recalled from what seemed a long time ago; Keina closed her eyes and sighed in relief for the absence of the demanding voice that resided in her right pocket.

__________________

Keina

[Posted late due to slacking ]

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought,
And not waving but drowning…

Keina sighed and rested her chin on her hands where they lay flat on the sill of the small window, looking out at a scene she had become quickly bored of with the passing days and nights -the same dim street that was showing signs of the encroaching morning – a slight glow to the horizon, barely noticeable but at the same time making all the difference to the scene in front of her. The sun would dominate the sky in a matter of an our she knew from experience, having greeted the rays of morning each dawn for several days, never being able to sleep longer than absolute exhaustion and her healing body demanded for fear of letting the night terrors catch their flaying fingers into her flesh and cling there like a parasite.

A hint of light touched the very top of the building opposite the healers and Keina turned away, padding softly back towards her bed, trying not to make a noise but finding it hard with one foot causing her balance to fail her. She always made sure she was in bed when people stirred, not because she had any illusion that she was tricking anyone, but just out of habit and some semblance of normality for herself. Sleep with the moon and rise with the sun.


Her stomach rumbled as she anticipated the smell of the bakery that came with morning’s grace. Stewan or “Moofin man” as she had taken to calling him had promised to teach her how to bake this evening, something that filled her with excitement, so much that it almost overrode the other babble of emotions…almost.

She found it easier to evaluate her thoughts now, with careful concentration she could distinguish them from one another and categorise them, associate them with memories and her actions along with the actions of others instead of them being a long random stream. But still when she wasn’t focused, the river of data would find a brick wall in her mind and all she would feel was a complete numbness, a lack of awareness or just overwhelming confusion, as if the world had turned upside down and inside out when she blinked.

Her memories were returning, faces were becoming familiar and past events before…just before, were popping into her mind clearly from some secret storage inside her with only the smallest of most unobvious cues. But she knew her mind was deceiving her still. Frustration dominated her very existence with constantly knowing she “wasn’t right”, incomplete, a jigsaw unfinished as someone had spitefully hidden the pieces. Every time she opened her mouth and found she couldn’t convey what was in her mind she felt like throwing her arms up and giving up, just bursting into tears as that was easier…but slowly, it was returning. Slowly.

Keina pondered and turned onto her side, watching as the night healer snuffed out an unneeded candle as the milky light washed through the windows.

She had visited Kimi the previous evening with Papa and “The Moofin Man” to find her seemingly in good spirits and an improving health. She understood now that Kimi wasn’t her mother, of course…she had always known that really, deep inside her. But now she could say it without making it feel like a complete lie, as if saying the sky where not blue but pink ….but… sometimes the sky was pink wasn’t it?

Muttering at the direction of her thoughts, Keina turned again, trying to find a comfortable position she could stay in whilst she waited for her babble of life outside to start up and show that it was an “acceptable time” to get up. Pushing a smile to her face she held it and let it drop after a few moments before repeating…practising for the day ahead.

Oh no no no, it was too cold always,
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

__________________

Keina

“Please...nau hurt my friends” the young girl had asked, staring up at the greed-clad mage that held no direct fear for her now.

"I will promise, if you promise to scrutinise your friends more closely” he had replied calmly, “Just because someone acts friendly to you does not mean they are a good person.”

The strange conversation just outside West Gate still ran through her mind, she felt guilty for his escape even though she had had no part in it, quite the contrary – trying to help the Drow she called ‘May’ to capture one of the criminals, but probably being more of a hindrance and then a target as every large step she ran shot pain through her chest and foot, slowing her considerably and making her clumsy. In the end the criminals had won, as she later found out there were three in all including the decoy.

It hadn’t taken her long to realise the trap, her suspicions had arose with the much-too-ordinary looking man calmly telling the captain there was a fire in words that were obviously angled to have her believe it were her own house. But not everything deserved suspicion, and she had gone along, but the true situation then became apparent quickly and she had tried to warn Kaelyn, getting the usual response of “Go back to town…get help”, why did no one ever take her seriously? Despite thinking she needed to stay, she had ran for help as fast as she could, finding no guards but finding May’quiri instead and appraising her of the situation to which she valiantly went to help, Kaelyn told the young child to go back to town again and thus she did, to which the larger picture became clear when Zefar told her that the “man” had got free from his cell.

He had told her that he had to get free, or risk his innocent life, that he was being trialled unfairly…being sent back to the Marksman who he seemed to view as savage people, but she could see his fear…as she remembered the last time Mister Stirling had gotten his hands on the mage, she had watched whilst he prepared to put a bolt through the mage’s head, an execution without trial in the woods. But…if the mage had done all those things that he had been accused of, then perhaps he deserved it? Either way, it didn’t matter now did it? She hadn’t helped him, innocent or guilty…

Keina mumbled in annoyance as her thoughts were quickly becoming too confusing for her tired mind to think about, her lungs were still protesting from the movement of her healing ribs and each breath came uncomfortably. She knew she wasn’t well enough to run about, walking had only just become easier, but she had wanted to help because no one else had been there to.

“Many rights do not cancel out many wrongs…”, these words stuck in her mind particularly, they had rung true when the mage had spoken them. Some of her friends had done many wrongs, rights to them but wrong morally, wrong in the grander scheme of things…and yet they were her friends, caring and loving and doing mostly right’s by her, mostly. So what were they? Right or wrong, or a bit of both, how much of a grey area was acceptable? Herself included, definitely herself.

Was she a bad person? The thought suddenly gripped her with terror as she, for the first time evaluated her actions of late. She had done evil things, evil by her previous standards, the moral standards that were now making themselves known to her conscience like a slap in the face. How did she live with the memories of what she had done? Many rights could surely not cancel out the wrongs she had done, even if she worked at it for her long existence.

“You’ve done nothing wrong…” whispered a soothing, familiar voice. “She deserved it, I should know shouldn’t I?”

Keina winced and put her hands over her ears, trying to block out the lullaby tone that started to creep into her soul like a gentle caress.

“Your friends have all abandoned you, Child. Where are they now? Where are they when you need them?”

“Not now…” Keina groaned pleadingly, pulling the covers over her head so as not to be seen whispering to herself by the healer sitting over at the desk.

“But I am here…with you, when you are in need, as always…you should realise who your friends really are, Child” sighed the voice as if upset or jealous, “where are they all…just answer me that and I will let you sleep”

“Busy…” was all Keina could reply, screwing her eyes shut and biting down on her lip as she pushed her fingers harshly into her ears, despite it doing nothing to drown out the persuading, charismatic voice.

The voice chuckled and withdrew as it had promised, leaving the girl in silence as a wave of overwhelming loneliness slammed into her, freezing her to the core and leaving her shivering and fighting to hold back tears.

__________________

Keina

“Do you think I have all these bandages to look good?”
“Yer the one that bit into his throat…”
“Yes to rescue your daughter, the same reason for which I was captured in the first place…perhaps I would not be acting so cold if I hadn’t done all of it, and received and lost the things I did…”

Keina muttered and tried to push the memories from her thoughts, leaning up on the bed and looking out of the window at the scene of dawn beyond it, she didn’t know what she had done to deserve Kimi’s words and indeed lack of them of late, or her cold stance on things. Thinking too much about it made her overwhelmingly upset, because if she didn’t know the cause how could she fix it? Her father and Kimi had really laid into each other verbally at West Gate, both making their true feelings perfectly clear of one another but also what Kimi felt of what had happened, things Keina hadn’t thought were in the woman’s mind.

Everything was so confusing, she couldn’t make sense of it, and she thought they’d sorted their problems but now it had reverted, but ten fold.

She was filled with overwhelming guilt for what Kimi had gone through, she had felt guilt before, of course, and who wouldn’t? But now she felt shame, she had wished and wished that the ground had just opened up and swallowed her into its depths when Kimi had said those words, now she felt for the first time a wish that Kimi hadn’t intervened, that she’d been able to continue her life, not feeling regret and pain for “having” to help Keina. Keina had ruined Kimi’s life, first she’d put the woman in a situation to have to be captured in the first place, then she’d been the reason for a lot of Kimi’s injuries either directly or indirectly and to top it all off Kimi blamed her for having to kill the man she loved as well. Part of her now wished that Nil’tyrr hadn’t stopped, that Kimi had just stood aside with a blank face until she was just an unmoving object on the floor, no longer an interference, no longer in the way or a nuisance. She just wanted to hide under the bed and never come out, the shame and guilt was so overwhelming it held like a spike in her throat, making it hard to breathe and bringing painful tears to her eyes.

Keina muttered and slumped back onto the bed, taking up a prospectus from the school in Britain and flicking through it for the hundredth time despite it being memorised. School would bring her new friends; friends her own age…well, a few years older than herself but nearer than most she had now.

Perhaps boarding school was a good idea she thought bitterly, looking through the options of lessons and extra curricular activities, at least then she wouldn’t be in the way.

Mentally chiding herself for her childish outlook, Keina rubbed her eyes and took a deep breath. Perhaps things would sort themselves out again, but in the meantime she would focus on school, Papa had gone to the trouble and the expense of arranging it and she was certainly going to make him proud in return, taking as many lessons as ‘humanly’ possible and doing extra work in her spare time to keep three steps ahead. She knew the importance of an education; her sister had instilled it in her from a very young age with books beyond her years, any she could get her hands on which were usually large tomes sneaked from the House Library. Life was a learning process, a constant one so it was better to have a head start, Katina had always said.

Dropping the wad of paper back to the floor, the young girl crawled down the bed within arms reach of the shelf and grabbed for a leather bound book she hadn’t yet finished, “Bewildering Botany of Britannia”, not exactly the funnest subject in the world but learning was about putting to memory boring things as well as fun things.

Opening the book, Keina glanced around the room, seeing if a distraction would present itself to save her before residing herself to the thin, willowy pages filled with text and sketches.

__________________

Keina

Keina looked around the grand entrance hall with its opulent furnishings in wonder as she walked through the large doors into the school building, her books clutched to her chest and her knuckles white from holding onto them so tightly. She was filled with trepidation, nerves and most of all excitement. Droves of blue and white clad boys and girls swarmed about the place in their packs, all older than her by a few years but still children or teens.

Walking forward with her head held high, the young Half-Drow rummaged for a scrap of paper ripped from her welcoming letter that had the numbers of the classrooms she would attend. “39b” was the first sequence of numbers and letters, Maths class, a good way to start the day she decided with an eager nod to herself.

Looking down, Keina winced as she caught a look just in time to see a foot thrust out in front of her shins, too late for her to do anything about it however as she let out a yelp, let go of her books sending them sliding across the polished floor, to be able to break her fall with her hands causing a dull pain that reverberated through her palms as they struck the floor. The oldest trick in the book but one she hadn’t been prepared for as she’d not had much interaction with children of the school yard variety, always wanting to outdo each other for superiority and acceptance by using those ‘below’ them in whatever form as stepping stones for that goal.

“Oops…watch where you’re going” giggled a tall, rather plain girl but for her perfectly ringletted blonde hair. The girl glanced around at the laughing children who had stopped to watch the scene, revelling in the fuss she had made and the attention she was receiving for the little trick.

Keina mumbled an unheard reply that wasn’t in Common and pulled herself to her feet, quickly gathering her books up before anyone had the bright idea of making a game of that too. Blushing heavily out of embarrassment but also her inability to think of anything to do or say back, she quickly eased her way through the crowd and strode as fast as she could down the corridor, not having a destination other than away from the giggling hoard.

A couple of minutes passed as she walked, keeping her wits about her this time and letting her burning face cool down before she realised she didn’t actually know where she was, or where she was supposed to be going. Glancing around shyly at the tall people, all with a purpose, an agenda and a confidence, she gulped and held her books closer.

“Excuse me…” she said meekly to a much older boy who just glanced at her in confusion and went on his way.

“Excuse me…” she repeated, clearing her throat politely to three girls nearer to her age, who all looked at her with wide eyes before striding off arm in arm amongst unsubtle giggles and whispers and glances back at her.

Keina mumbled and hunched her shoulders, looking around at all the people with not knowing what to do. Faced with the same response from adults back in Trinsic she would be braver, make some comment, and make them listen. But these creatures that moved in cliques and worried about their hair and seemed never to stop giggling were a different species all together. Like a blue and white bee colony that she had had the misfortune to fall into, Keina hadn’t felt so small and inadequate in her entire life.

“Ex…” she started hopefully to a young girl who was staring at her as she were a devil, but finding herself being cut short by a loud ringing from a hand bell somewhere down the corridor that pushed everyone into action, dispersing the crowd within ten seconds and leaving her completely alone in twenty, as if the bell were a warning of incoming barbarians sending people running to safety.

Keina frowned and looked to the paper and then to the nearest door that had “S44” carved neatly into it. That didn’t flow any logic that helped her find her classroom she thought with a groan, setting off aimlessly down the corridor and looking back to the paper as if it might hold some council or insight that she had previously missed.

“Why are you not in class young lady?” crowed a cold voice from behind her, causing Keina to jump and drop her books for the second time in the space of ten minutes, a habit she dreaded becoming common place.

Turning to face the speaker and match it to a body, Keina looked the middle aged woman over, she was wearing the robes the teachers adorned that were a slightly paler blue and trimmed in gold piping, her lips were pursed in a disapproving frown and her greying hair was pulled tightly back from her brow.

“I…don’t know where it is ma’am” she replied quietly, gathering up her books and biting down on her bottom lip as a lump was forcing its way from her stomach to her throat, determined to bring her close to tears.

“Which room?”

“’Thirty Nine B’ Ma’am” she whispered meekly, not trusting herself to speak properly and shifting awkwardly under the woman’s judgemental gaze.

“Up the main stair case and all the way to the end” stated the teacher icily before turning in a sweeping of material and disappearing into a classroom.

It took only a minute or two to find the classroom once she had directions, and Keina now stood staring at the door as if her death awaited her on the other side. She calculated that she was now nine or ten minutes late for class and counting, but she was petrified to walk in, knowing that all eyes would be on her when she did, or worse – people would start laughing at her again, or look at her as if she were so below them they thought it was a joke her being there. It would be easier to just find somewhere to hide until the next lessons, when she could walk in with the crowd…

Taking a deep breath, Keina placed her hand on the door handle and gave it a sharp twist, pushing herself past the point of no return before she could change her mind.

“I am here for an education, not to have friends” she whispered to herself a few times reassuringly before opening the door and stepping inside with her eyes firmly on the floor.

“You are late” stated a posh adult voice matter-of-factly, “One ‘De-Merit’” …whatever that was.

“Yuck! A Drow!” yelled another voice before it was drowned out as the hive quickly joined in, ignoring the teachers shouts of “Settle down Class!”

“I’m not a Drow” Keina whispered in her usual reply to the accusation, only loud enough for herself to hear it as she lacked the courage to stand up to even one of them let alone a whole classroom. Instead she kept her chin tucked to her chest and sat herself down at the first desk she found at the front of the class, still keeping her books tight to her chest as if they were a shield.

__________________

Keina

“Day Ninety three:

I started school on Monday, in Britain at the Royal Grammar School. Things are going well; it’s nice to have a challenge and something to work towards. I have joined the maths club and the chess club and I really enjoy them, I wish I could say as much for some of my lessons, such as Floral Art, Finishing Class and Embroidery. Embroidery isn’t so bad but I do not see the point in learning to sew my name into cloth along with some obscure Latin text. That is what parchment was invented for!

The rest of my lessons more than make up for the stupid ones, the teachers really know what they are talking about and are willing to pass any information I wish to know onto me, they don’t tell me to shut up and just learn what I have to learn, like my tutors did. They seem to appreciate my questions and want of a deeper insight. It is hard being in a class with students that are older than me, they all think I am a freak …but I will not let them get to me. Kimi says they are just jealous …and besides, I am here for an education, not to make friends. I have made a sort-of friend though, if teachers can count as friends. My form tutor and History teacher, Mister Eyan is always willing to talk to me and he said I can go to him with any concerns …he was honest and said perhaps there isn’t much he can do sometimes, as he hasn’t been at the school long but he assured me that he would try, and at the very least he would be able to listen and give guidance.

I made a friend back in Trinsic, his name is Benny and he’s nine. He’s fun, he’s going to teach me to play bag ball and we made swords from wood and played out battle scenes together, I enjoy playing with him and he doesn’t mind that I want to do boys things …unlike the boys and girls at school who seem to think you must be wrong in the head if you want to do something that “belongs to the opposite sex”. Bag ball is a much more worth while pastime then knowing how to arrange flowers into a vase perfectly to get the optimum array of colours from the surrounding light, for heavens sake! At least they are out in the fresh air instead of cooped up with all the disgusting smelling plants and the pollen that makes me sneeze.

I had Art today, it was fantastic! The room is so huge with easels set out for everyone and as much paints and canvas as you could want, and if you mess up you’re allowed to throw it away and start on a fresh piece! There are the most amazing pieces of art around the hall from former students that have gone on to become famous painters, Jabbuk would have liked to see them…”

*Keina snapped her eyes up as a loud clash in front of her brought her from her thoughts and her head from her diary. Madam Filincia scowled down at her with her ever present wooden ruler clamped against the small desk, a blaze of anger shot through her eyes and she tapped it against the girl’s head, just hard enough to make her point known.

“Hand it over…” she piped in her annoyingly shrill, posh voice.

Keina froze a moment as dread washed over her like an icy chill, images of what would happen if the teacher read her diary rushing through her mind at a rate of knots. Think, think, think! She demanded herself, staring up at the teacher as if she were holding a knife to her throat.

“Hand it over!” shouted the teacher, not needing much for a reason to shout as she loved the sound of her own dreadful voice. Keina nodded glumly and carefully closed the book, glancing around at the giggling children around her who were obviously delighting in the distraction from their reading material.

“You should make her read it to the class, whatever it is” chuckled a girl from the back who Keina hadn’t had the ‘pleasure’ in meeting yet.

“I do not need your opinion, Miss Melanie” replied the teacher, frowning back at the pretty girl but having a slight flicker in her eye as she was obviously taking the suggestion seriously.

Keina snapped herself into action as she suddenly realised the teacher had her eyes off her, making a show of dropping her four various books from the table and scrambling from her chair to pick them up.

“Get off the floor! What are you, an animal?!” yelled the irate teacher, looking at Keina as if she’d just committed some heinous act. The class burst into laughter with nods to the affirmative to each other, some whispering and some not bothering to be subtle with comments about how Drow lived in caves with bears and ate out of skulls and other nonsense that they could think of to sound “cool”.

Keina sighed in frustration and straightened up, slyly nudging the small diary under the desk and shielding it from view with her legs as she held out her class note book instead. “Sorry Ma’am”.

Madam Filincia smiled smugly as she pinned the ruler between her arm and side to free her hands to flick through the book, taking delight in the prospect of finding something to dole out punishment for, probably needing someone to polish her various ugly ornaments and trophies around the room that she couldn’t be bothered to upkeep herself.

The young Half-Drow watched as the smile turned to a frown of annoyance at finding only detailed and comprehensive notes from previous classes and this one in neat handwriting.

“Sit down, shut up and just read what you are supposed to be reading instead of trying to be clever!” huffed the teacher at finding nothing to rile about, tossing the book to Keina’s desk and storming off to the front of the class again, giving a glare around the room which caused a deathly silence to occur immediately.

Keina nodded and breathed a sigh of relief, sliding into the chair and putting her feet protectively on the diary, opening up the text book to read a few lines before becoming overwhelmed with boredom at the examples of how to keep the momentum of a conversation going, and turning her head to look out of the window for something more interesting and worthwhile to use her brain on*

__________________

Keina

Keina yawned into her hand and shifted in place, trying to dislodge the numbness of her lower body and distil the biting cold on her bare legs. She had been sitting cross legged along with all the other students on the smooth cold stone of the Virtues Chamber for an hour now and she knew that she still had another hour to hold out before they were granted their half way ten minute break to stretch their legs.

She had stopped focusing on the Chaplain thirty minutes ago when he had began repeating the same lesson for the third time, seemingly unknowingly. No one was listening, instead the students were whispering to each other, writing notes that weren’t school related, giggling and throwing pieces of screwed up paper about. Even the accompanying teachers that were required to escort the boys and girls didn’t bother to hush their wards. One was dozing by the entrance in one of the few chairs and two others were chatting quietly no better than the children about them who they were supposed to set an example for. The monks sometimes threw annoyed glances around but didn’t say anything, likely due to the amount the school donated into the shrine each Saturday.

Yawning again, Keina rested her chin in her hand and turned her attention briefly to the Chaplain, a rank she had overheard he had only recently attained as he had only a couple of months before held the rank of professor of History, a rank she heard had been his for almost his entire long life, not even many of the teachers could remember him not being there. It was well talked about that he was only kept as a teacher out of respect for his long service to the school, given a placement that wasn’t vital if he messed it up. It was quite evident he wasn’t all there, constantly repeating himself unknowingly and occasionally just taking to staring into space blankly, sometimes for up to ten minutes before taking off where he had been, if the audience were lucky, if not then starting from the beginning.

Keina was really trying to listen and take notes, she was there to learn after all, even useless repeated things – but the man’s voice was near impossible to pay attention to, she found her mind wandering instead to any single distraction that presented itself and right now a tiny bug of some sort crawling across the floor in front of her was infinitely more interesting to watch and think about than the fourth repetition of the motto for Humility as the Chaplain pointed to the entirely wrong tile.

A sudden un-painful whack to the back of her head made her turn with a frown in time to see the tall leggy blonde from her class innocently look away and burst into quiet laughter with the girl beside her who was unsubtly screwing up another page from her blank note book. Keina rolled her eyes and flicked the ball of paper that had hit her to the side before turning her eyes back to the floor only to find her distraction had fled, probably out of the same dire boredom she herself was feeling.

Her eyes instead wandered to the beautiful watch around her wrist, with its mother of pearl face and gold leafed numerals and intricate banding. She had instantly fell in love with the pretty trinket as children do but had now become almost obsessed with it since finding out where Eike had “acquired” it from. It was as if fate had mustered a minor miracle and sent a gift her way. Did it actually mean something or was she just seeing things that weren’t there, things she only wished to see? Besides, the dead didn’t bear gifts did they?

Another crumpled piece of paper hit the back of her head and Keina sighed in exasperation, turning to the culprits and giving a cold glare which only made the girls giggle louder.

”Grow up” she whispered with a slight ironic smile that flickered across her features as the rest of the group she was with were a minimum of three years older that her. A quiet laugh sounded from beside her and she turned to frown, opening her mouth to repeat the same thing but finding herself caught short and off balance with the genuine smile that met her from the short, pale boy beside her, apparently amused at her quip. At smiling back however, the boy quickly faced away and dropped the smile at getting nudges from one of his friends along with nasty comments that she was glad were low enough for her not to get the entire gist of.

The Half-Drow child mumbled and rubbed at her bruised thigh under her skirt that had turned a sickly grey overnight, making her limp slightly with the pressure that had been put on her muscle. She had only ever been praised for her anger by one other person…told to focus it to withdraw power and strength. Hate and anger were bad things, he knew that but …sometimes they didn’t feel as if they were.

She’d tried to do what she had been asked of her but perhaps not to her full ability once she was told failing was acceptable as long as she’d tried, things had been easier then. But when Sempai had started belittling her with his quick sarcastic comments, anger had boiled up inside her so quickly that she had been surprised even herself. She had jumped at the opportunity to wrap her fingers around his neck and squeeze as hard as she was able, spitefully digging her nails into the skin …and she’d gone eagerly at the chance to kick at him with all her force that she could muster, genuinely trying to break his shin bone… despite it backfiring. It had all been a little too eager, she knew it was wrong …but at the same time it had felt so right, so normal and so…amusing.

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Keina

*Keina huffed and made her way awkwardly down the front steps of the school, finding the short distance a challenge with the pain in her thigh that had become worse throughout the morning causing her muscles to seize up if she moved too fast or in the wrong way.

Finally getting to the bottom with the help of the railing, the young girl glanced around to check no one could see her before limping towards her usual hiding place for lunch times- a spot between the large statue of a man that the plaque beside him named him as the founding father of the school, and the side of the brick building and the hedges and bushes, keeping her nicely out of view from anyone that might look for her or come outside, although the weather was still a tad bitter for most of the students to venture into the school grounds, keeping themselves tucked up instead in the large lunch hall.

Sitting in the small dusty cocoon, she pulled out the small black box from her school bag that contained her lunch, which for once she was eager to eat to sate the gnawing creature in her stomach which growled and fussed at her in annoyance. Pulling out her small diary along with her, Keina grabbed for a sushi roll in one hand and a quill in the other*

“Day One hundred and twenty:

Today, so far has been a disaster to match my disastrous weekend, I hope it is true that things can only get better when at their worst. I almost got myself expelled from school, but instead after …pleading my case, I have to write a ten page essay instead, the subject being “Violence is Bad”. They’ve given me a letter to give to Papa, I desperately want to read it but it’s sealed and he’d know, and its likely got a correspondence slip inside it like the rest.

Violence isn’t bad in the right situations though, I was justified in what I did, and the boy was an idiot …just like all of them. People have been giving me a healthily wide berth though which has been refreshing, perhaps they’re afraid I’ll do the same to them. It’s a bit of a shame his wrist didn’t break, but the teacher said he won’t be using it for a while, a torn ligament or something, I’m not sure what that is, but I hope its painful.

I finally got the muffin! It took about two hours and a lot of effort, sweat, blood and pain but I finally got it. I finally feel as though I am getting somewhere, I have a material thing to show for all of the time and effort over the past months. I hope I made Sempai proud…

Papa is angry with me for skipping school on Saturday, and for going where I wasn’t supposed to go, he’s been ignoring me which is a lot scarier than shouting at me, I drew him a picture but haven’t had a chance to give it to him, well I had chances but he wouldn’t even look at me…”

*Keina frowned and glanced up as a shiver ran down her spine as a result of the hairs on the back of her neck standing to attention, a strange feeling hit her stomach and she paused with a mouthful of sushi and her pen poised above the half filled page.

Tucking herself further into the little safe enclosure, Keina shrugged and swallowed the food, turning her attention back to the page as she tried to shake off the feeling*

“…wouldn’t even look at me, and I got scared that he’d not accept it.

I’ve been staying at Sempai’s house for the past few nights; I was too tired to make my way home last night and I probably wouldn’t have made it anyway…”

*Snapping her eyes from the diary again, Keina shuddered and got to her feet, dropping the diary and half a bit of sushi to the floor to peek around the statue, having the overwhelming feeling that she was being watched…

Shaking her head firmly and chuckling nervously at her own jumpiness, Keina started to sit back down but froze at realising someone was indeed watching her. A figure behind the closed iron entrance gates at the far side of the field faced her with its hands resting behind its back, its face and body were covered with a dark robe despite the warm sun that bathed the ground and its head was positioned in a way that it had a direct line of view from it, between the iron poles that made up the sturdy gate, across the field to her.

Keina gasped in trepidation and transferred her weight to her heels, pushing off and half running, half limping towards the gates, staring at the figure intently as it slowly but surely turned and walked off out of view behind the wall that the gate sat upon.

“Wait!” she shouted, panting for breath and slamming into the gate painfully as her leg injury made it hard to stop gracefully, “Please!” she added as she thrust her hand through the gate along with as much of her head as the iron would allow. Flitting her eyes around frantically, the young child whined in confusion at seeing no one, just the imprints of shoes marking the gravel ground, leading off around the side of the tall wall.*

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Keina

Thump, clatter…

Keina sighed and watched as the small throwing knife hit the tree-stump off-angle, causing it to bounce off and clatter to the hard floor along with another three that were scattered about.

At least she was getting them vaguely in the places she aimed, she thought, and only after an hour of trying. Smiling with a small sense of pride she stooped to pick up another from the brown fold of leather which she had used to transport them from the house to her ‘secret’ training area within a circle of dense trees out in the forest a short ways. She knew she wasn’t allowed there but what the eye didn’t see…

Looking the thin knife over thoughtfully, the child weighted it in her hand and glanced to the rotting tree stump which sat about fifteen feet from her, she had originally tried from a larger distance but had moved closer when it became apparent she would not hit a thing, only aiding to demoralise her.

After getting a good firm but gentle grip on the handle of the knife she held it at her side as her mind calculated things without her conscious effort, things such as distance from the tree, her height in relation to her target and even subtler things such as the wind direction and speed. Giving a slight nod when she was satisfied, Keina raised her arm and flicked her wrist, transferring her weight forward for extra momentum as she allowed the weapon to leave her hand to whip through the air with a slight swishing sound.

“Gi whol…uoi’nota!” she yelled in fluent Drow as the knife flew past the stump, causing a loud rustling as it hit branches and leaves of the foliage beyond to land out of sight within the greenery.

Dragging her hands across her sweaty face, Keina flit her eyes up and took a deep breath, telling herself to calm down as she exhaled slowly, not wanting her temper to get the better of her as it usually did towards the end of her training either or alone or with her teacher.

Shaking her head slightly she cursed a few more times in Drow and tugged at the collar of her school shirt, allowing her anger to flow out with her words before looking back to the leather material.

Just one more left, she thought, wrinkling her nose at the small metal weapon that poked from the material. Reaching down to take it between her small fingers she yawned and pushed her blue bonnet up as it drooped over her eyes. She had already thrown and collected the six knives more times than she remembered and she stood silently for a moment as the birds sang about her, trying to decide whether to continue or to give up for the day.

Giving up was easy when she only had herself there to prove anything to but it still filled her with a sense of self-loathing and embarrassment as if there was someone there laughing at her weakness. She had always been determined and eager to learn, eager to prove those that doubted she was incapable of something wrong, even if she was truth incapable of it, she didn’t have to be for long if she put her mind to it.

She didn’t want to give up but right now she was hungry, thirsty, tired and despite wearing a bonnet her head was getting fuzzy and her shirt was damp from sweat, having little shade from the overhead sun. There was little point in continuing in her current state she convinced herself, better to continue afresh tomorrow she concluded.

Bending to scoop up the leather, Keina shrugged and turned back towards the tree with her eyes half closed as she yawned again, raising her arm quickly she let it go of the knife with little thought, sending it flying in the direction of the tree as she continued to raise her arm to reposition her limp bonnet again.

Thunk

Keina raised an eyebrow at the unfamiliar sound and tilted her head, looking to the stump which now had a small knife imbedded in it, still trembling from the impact and sudden stopping within its target’s dying flesh.

“Huh?” she questioned in confusion with a furrowed brow, dropping the leather to the floor and trotting over to the target to check she was seeing correctly. Stooping a bit and putting her hands on her legs she looked the knife over closely, still unconvinced that what she was seeing was true. The blade was stuck one third of the way into the wood and was perfectly aligned with a ninety degree angle with the vertical of the tree, allowing it to bury deep.

Letting out a quiet sound somewhere between delight and disbelief, Keina grabbed for the hilt and worked the knife up and down to free it after some effort, leaving a scar in the bark which she poked with her free hand proudly.

“Just lucky…” she sighed, shaking her head as the positive feelings drained from her to be replaced with defeat and annoyance, as if somebody had played a nasty trick on her to work her up only to dash her hopes. “Hmph” she added, crouching to gather up the small spilt knives one by one in to both of her hands, careful not to knick her flesh on the sharp lengths of well crafted metal.

“One, two, three, four, five and…”

Glancing around, Keina stood and stepped over to carefully position the knives between the fold of leather one by one, dragging each over her skirt before she did to make sure they were free of soil and stains of grass from their constant arrival on the floor. Once finished she dusted off her hands and stepped over to where the trees and foliage became thick, brushing branches and leaves aside as she searched for the small item.

Ten minutes passed in vain for her effort of searching, leaving her grumbling and dirty from rummaging around in the undergrowth. Oh well, she thought. He wouldn’t realise one was missing surely? She’d made sure not to take them all anyway so that a cursory glance might not show a distinct lack of something within the supply cabinet.

Shrugging and dusting her hands against one another, the child wrapped the leather around the knives and tucked them under one arm, snatching up her hat with the other and strolling quickly in the direction towards the house, eager not to be missed so that she wouldn’t be in a position to make awkward excuses that weren’t quite lies, just an absence of the words that made a true story…

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