Angst

Due to a conflagration in my house setting fire to my journal I have spent time rescuing parts of it. I am not at all sure its worth putting it all back together, its all of 20 pages long, much of it out of date. But its my life thats recorded here...While I think what to do about this, I've written another entry.


36th January 359 SR

The roller-coaster of Love
In the last two months much has happened, I?ve been in a daze and not written a word in my journal. VanQa seemed to settle down and was well guarded by Sir Elion. I also decided I would let my heart show, so she should know how much I love her. And she responded! Well, sort of?I mean: what do I mean? Well, she hugged me and squeezed my hand in the tavern. Such small things that don?t need to mean anything, but a man besotted and drowning in love clutches at straws and hopes.

I heard she may be going to the Haven market and so I decided to go myself to catch a glimpse of her, even perhaps have time to be together with her. I was so disorganised I took nothing with me to sell and just prayed she would attend. I saw her and my heart missed several beats, she was selling cakes and buns she had baked. Later we went to watch the fights, she sought out my hand - we held hands and I walked on clouds. Sir Elion won his fights but I don?t remember much else. She gated us home and we kissed goodnight. I think this was the high point of this wild emotional roller-coaster. Next day after I had recovered, I wrote a simple love story about the elven queen and the smith, gift-wrapped it and placed a whispering rose inside, then gave it to her that night in the tavern.

Then came the news that Iglata had murdered two of her sisters, and she became pensive and withdrawn. The roller-coaster plunged wildly. I hung on, waiting for the descent to end, just being there for her. Another tavern night and I asked her out for a date to the Haven races. She accepted and my hopes soared.

Last night I came to the tavern to pick her up but she wasn?t there. Instead I was met by sombre elven faces ? Sir Elion, Ruadnit Troi and Rana Randir. The news they had was appalling: VanQa had been kidnapped by Iglata and was held prisoner. My knees gave way in fear and horror and I collapsed into a chair while Sir Elion told how he was just in time to follow them into a magic gate that led to Umbra City, but then the pursuit was shaken off and they knew not where to look.

Rana suggested that as we could do nothing we should all go to the Haven races to take our minds of the horror, which we did, though this time Haven was a poignant reminder of the Haven market. But It helped to keep my fears at bay, though I was preoccupied. It was a very fine event with heats. I was sorry I hadn?t brought Bella my horse with me, I could have raced too. I bet 100 gold on the jockey who came second. It reminded me how much I missed riding.

When I got home, I saw Ye Poste sticking out of my mailbox and there read about VanQa?s time of ordeal. It seems that Iglata had brought her Miguen?s clothes, all covered in blood. She would recognise his clothes: she probably made them herself. No wonder she despaired. So Miguen really is dead. I feared so, and were it not for sweet VanQa being held prisoner and perhaps soon to be murdered, that news might have given me hope ? however much guilt I may have felt about having such unworthy thoughts.

Angst

11th February 359

The Last entry
I found an extra copy of my journal, but it would be a terrible job to edit and put it into dated entries, there must be around 200 entries in all! And I was so hoping to be able to leave my journal as a record for my children. The lesson is to always make more than one copy: use at least two tomes! So if one tome gets lost there is always the other tome. They won't both disappear at the same time! Its too late for my journal but I'll make sure the books and volumes in The Leafsta Archive are all placed in two separate tomes, and I'll do that as a matter of urgency.

Instead of a journal I'll do do two things. The first will be to keep a summary timeline. I already know what I'll call the 50s: The Elven Decade. And as its only February there is almost a year left, so I'll have time to prepare that at leisure from my salvaged notes. But in addition, I may keep a more reflective journal with a few occasional entries - like ones for my time as Trinsic's rag 'n boneman, Nian Cethlin, the Ilshenar Quest, Silverleaf, VanQa *followed by a line-drawn heart-shape*, and the ongoing Iglata Nightmare.

Now I must go and read yesterday's issue of Ye Morning Poste, it must have hit the streets after I went to bed...

*a firm and thick line is drawn under the writing*