Bladius Dart

Captain's log

6th day of the 2nd month

The Waywatchers chased us around the Orc Caves yesterday pretending to be orcs themselves. We had to eliminate five brutes whilst defending ourselves from the terrifying threat of Floria, Annwyn and Lucius! Gasp!


Tanya was moody as hell yesterday evening and she couldn't even blame it on being pregnant. I came home to find the house looking like it would do if I lived alone!
The kids were practically killing one another and Annie was begging to go see her mummy which is something I've never seen in my life, or in hers.

After saving the world, or more specifically the household, I dropped the twins round to Louisa, obediently engaged in the customary snog-session and headed home having promised I'd come by some time today which I haven't had the opportunity to do due to an 'oh so busy' schedule.

Yeah I'm avoiding going round there, mainly because I don't really want this to turn into an affair but neither do I want her to disappear off with my children.
I've been in this situation about a dozen times before but I'll keep it ticking over for now. This is an incredibly skewed method of keeping everybody happy and I've been colourfully informed of that fact many times previously but in the short term it works wonderfully. In the long term it's doomed to Tanya finding out or Louisa expecting me to take it seriously.

Next she'll be wanting access to 'the buffet'. I'm not sure what I'll do should she be banging upon the dining room door. An 'appetiser' might keep her at bay for a short while but then usually with Lou offering her an appetiser leads to her demanding the entire five course meal and Tanya wouldn't want me 'cooking' for anyone else, least of all her arch-nemesis.
'Cooking' for both of them at once might be a possibility but somehow I don't see either of them buying that idea, unfortunately.

Tanya apologised for being so moody when I came home which made me struggle to fall asleep under the crushing weight of guilt, this coupled with the babies waking up every twenty seconds means I'm utterly knackered today. At least I can escape them by going to work, Tanya doesn't have that luxury.

- Dart

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Bladius Dart

Captain's log

7th day of the 2nd month

Ugh, that was a lucky escape.
She showed up picnic basket in hand, having brought me some 'lunch' or as she added 'dinner' now, making a subtle hint in regards to my absence from the office. I guess she thinks all I do is sod around with paperwork all day.

Whatever it is with women and being in my office I will never know but they seem to have some uncontrollable urge to turn it into a den of sin.
I just about managed to fob her off and avoid completely and utterly breaking my vows to Tanya for another day.
She seemed a little ticked off that I was turning her down but I made up some nonsense about not wanting us to always leap into bed and wanting to spend more quality time with her which I think she believed.
I've been conned into visiting her at some point, I'm not sure when I'll brave that.


Came home to find Tanya and Ben cooking in the kitchen and Annie upstairs asleep. It would seem Annie's being bullied and refuses to tell Tanya about it, that coupled with Tan having to see Lou makes for a less than pleasant atmosphere as I enter the family home.
Nipped over to visit Annie's teacher and flirted with her seemingly aimlessly as I had nothing to gain as she willingly explained to me the entire situation with Annie.
I'm turning back into a complete slag again. If Lanoor was still alive we could trade notes!

I'll write about the Boxing Tournament tomorrow.

- Dart

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Bladius Dart

Captain's log

8th day of the 2nd month

So Young utterly brutalised Margera in the final of the Boxing Tournament after shocking Tripps and slapping Eagle-eye around in the first round.
The Rebellion rudely interrupted the tournament before it even had a chance to begin when Annwyn stumbled up to the roof and announced that some deer poachers were south west of the Keep.
Of course we investigated, killed one and the others fled, so we returned to more important matters, such as watching the men beat the tar out of each other.

The Besiegers were in fine, honourable form as usual in the fifth place play-off where after Lumbard finished off Eagle-eye he joined in and helped Fraser gang-beat Floria.


I have to say I think they all looked really fetching in their ring-wear and it certainly seemed to even the competition up, even if it made things drag out a little longer that I'd hoped, straining my announcing and commentary to unnatural limits. There are only so many superlatives you can use for the most mundane of fights before you start to consider murdering the two combatants.

Anyway, I think I hear someone at the door.

- Dart


Captain's log

9th day of the 2nd month

Ahh.. guilt.


- Dart


Captain's log

10th day of the 2nd month

I know they say children grow up faster these days but I still think four and a half is too young to be considering having babies. As long as she maintains the belief that she can grow infants from seeds in a plant pot I think I'll avoid giving her a talking to.


I have the great pleasure of hosting the Champions Tournament tonight. I should really make sure all the equipment I ordered has arrived. Don't want to be running around like a numpty five minutes prior to the event with nothing to equip everybody in.

- Dart


Captain's log

11th day of the 2nd month

Can't rely on anybody these days, least of all the supposed favourites to win a Champions Tournament.
If we'd had to sell tickets to the final of yesterday evening's tournament I'm not sure how well Kain Raslo versus Buck Baines would have sold.
It'd be different for sure but not something that'll set Sosaria alight.

Either way Baines surprisingly beat Raslo two-nil only to have House D'Gar demand a different champion, with Lord D'Gar stepping in, giving Baines a kicking and taking the title for himself.

You can't make this stuff up! Next we'll be throwing a few metal chairs in and having fireworks go off when the combatants enter the arena.


Tanya seemingly had suspicions regarding Lou and in a sudden unexpected burst of uncontrollable 'honesty' I told her that Lou had conned me into having an affair with her and it was all her fault the mean, nasty child-stealer.

Tanya visited her later and apparently told her to keep her hands off her husband, then left.
Now things are all hunky-dory again, which is cause for celebration in my book.
Of course this state of hunky-doryness will likely last only a few more hours until something even more ridiculously dramatic occurs. Such as discovering I'm pregnant or growing a third penis out of my left nostril.

- Dart


Captain's log

12th day of the 2nd month

I'm not one for public bathing and I'm even less willing to go for a soak in the middle of Stonekeep after yesterday evening.
Whatever the hell caused the water we were soaking our feet in to turn every unsavoury colour you can think of I don't want to speculate too much upon, however there were things swimming about in there that I'd prefer not to share my bathing time with.


Wilkes is going to baby-sit the children soon we've agreed. If Wilkes survives the encounter he may well end up being a successful parent.
Of course the chances of him surviving are very much dependent upon the whims of Lily, Francis, Annie and Ben.
I wouldn't want to place my life in the hands of those four. I'll happily place Radek's in them though.

- Dart


Captain's log

13th day of the 2nd month

I think the lads need a little training in public relations, especially the older ones. Helmgard seems to think that the way to break news of a fellow's death to his widow is by hanging her before she has a chance to complain about our handling of the situation.

We found Percy the Farmer face down in the dirt whilst scouring the bowels of Despise. He might even have been breathing prior to Longshot dropping a pile of rocks on him, which Kevin claimed to be an earth elemental.
Poor bastard.


D'Gar had us running about pretending to be members of two savage tribes.
I was lumbered with being Shaman of the Raven Tribe, a role that would see me try to enlighten and instruct High Chief Aiden. While great and wise, a Shaman is not a miracle worker.
However, we did construct a totem in honour of our glorious raven spirit, befitting his supposed great fertility.

Despite Raven Tribe's peaceful nature (read: distinct lack of decent tribal warriors) we triumphed over Llama Tribe, this was not through martial prowess though, more our cunning use of wit and ingenuity.

I now have a much greater challenge to undertake.
I must find a way to provide a perfect Valentine's Day for Tanya, whilst sneaking out to ensure Louisa is also satisfied without ending up naked and in serious breach of my marriage vows.
Then again, I haven't seen Lou since Tanya spoke to her, so I'm not sure where the hell I'm stood. Maybe I'll just pay a quick visit there tomorrow in the morning whilst 'working' to ensure that everything's swell. Or I could listen to common sense and avoid her like the plague.

Why do I bother? We all know that I'll end up there regardless.

- Dart


Captain's log

14th day of the 2nd month

You'd think by now that nothing could really surprise me. I've heard of many seemingly preposterous occurrences but no more so than the Celtic rebellion actively recruiting at Trinsic West Gate.
Apparently Irvyn has once again displayed his distinct lack of testicular fortitude and has signed Trinsic over to yet another foreign occupational force.
From Trinsic the rebels are attempting to recruit more men to their ever so noble cause; gutting and mutilating as many teenage Trainees as they can without having to face someone with any combat experience.
I can't understand what possible reason Trinsic have for allying themselves with yet another anti-loyalist organisation and whilst I'm aware that many Trinsicans have a penchant for odd sexual encounters, mutton penetration is surely stooping too low even for them.


I did have the opportunity to smash my shield over a rebel's cranium though, which is always satisfying after a long day.
Anyway - today is Valentine's day and I need to sneak out for a spot of 'work'.

- Dart

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Bladius Dart

Captain's log

15th day of the 2nd month

I need to find a better place to hide this bloody thing; I have a bad feeling that I've been rumbled.
Visited Lou this morning to check how things were. She told me what she said to Tanya, which pretty much consisted of her saying how she was still in love with me and didn't see that changing and how she'd tried numerous times to seduce me but I'd rejected her as I'm madly in love with Tanya.

I was incredibly surprised at that. The Louisa of old would have told her everything and lumped in a few strategically placed barbs to render the situation completely hopeless but I guess she's finally realising that even if that did happen I'd always end up back with Tanya, this is the only possible way she can ever have me in any capacity.

She even offered to have the children so that Tanya and I could be alone. I'll be visiting her later on as I promised her that today would be our 'special day'. I really shouldn't open my big mouth so often.

As I said before I have a horrible feeling that Tanya's been reading this log, she left a little note on top of it which I found upon my return home yesterday morning. If she has been reading it I can't quite understand why she's reacting the way she is but she's definitely checking up on me, why find the excuse to drop a second clue off at work if I'm already going to be there? She said she did that purely so as to avoid me having to head home to begin with so I'd arrive at the final destination more swiftly but I'm not so sure.
She then laid the guilt trip on really thick, apologising for not always trusting me and how she knows deep down that I'd never do anything again.
It's almost like she wants to see me squirm!


Rose has taken to running around dressed up in a Waywatcher uniform pretending to be Floria again. I know it's probably too much to ask but I sometimes wish that my daughters would just stop masquerading as one another and get along. Heh and they wonder why I won't readily admit to them being mine. Ahh... the joys of twins.

- Dart


Captain's log

16th day of the 2nd month

I'm either growing insane with paranoia or Tanya's been reading my log and is aware of every movement.
Yesterday I came home to find my clothes dumped on the ground outside and the locks changed. It all seemed quite innocent once Tanya had explained what had occurred and how it was apparently nothing to do with me being an adulterous man-whore but I'm still dreading every minute I spend at home.


Spent much of yesterday with Lou and again cunningly avoided a sexual encounter. Granted I ended up spending much of the meeting dressed in less than I had arrived in but the longer I can delay the inevitable the better.
I have no idea what I'm going to do when she finally puts her foot down. Run? Feign death?
I'll tell her I've recently started to suffer from impotence! Yeah!
Wait... no... she'll attempt to cure it herself.

- Dart

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Bladius Dart

Captain's log

17th day of the 2nd month

What a bloody day.
Dragged the men to Trinsic in pursuit of the 'Painted Caves' which we only found thanks to a helpful trader directing me to the entrance. Found out that the rebellion have indeed been spotted sodding around in Trinsic garnering support.
Irvyn is also a wytch would you believe it? Yes, actually I would. Nothing surprises me anymore, least of all that Irvyn Middlethorne is something of a deamon summoner extraordinaire.


The final of the Yewish Darts Championships was held with me languishing at the bottom with a pathetic 12 points prior to us beginning. However, I staged something of a shockingly epic comeback scoring five straight wins to find myself tied with Tanya at the climax on 27 points apiece.
This is when it all went rotten, with Tanya desperate to call it a draw.
Apparently every time she won she was greeted with silence and didn't want to have to endure the humiliation of me beating her in front of everyone for the second time that evening. At first I thought she was joking but it quickly became apparent that she was gravely serious.

I hadn't come all this way to draw. It was all or nothing but Tanya was adamant she wanted to tie.
So there am I stood in front of that cursed mongbat, his pointy little teeth grinning up at me in that little malicious bastard grin of his.
Tanya's sat there close to tears looking like this Darts Championship is a matter of life and death.
I know she's found it hard moving here from Trinsic, especially with the anti-Trinsican sentiment that anyone with half a brain can detect but I'm pretty sure that losing yesterday evening wouldn't have been as crushing as she believed.
That said I thought by launching the knife at the wall and consequently losing I was doing her a favour, a demonstration of my affection so to speak.
Evidently not.


We came home, argued and Tanya went off to spew her guts out. I grabbed her and demanded to know why the hell she was doing that nonsense again and was greeted with the statement that "Maybe it's the only thing I can think of to do that will stop you going off with other women."
So she knows.
What happened after that I won't divulge here as I suspect certain little brats will likely be reading this again but I don't know what the hell's going on now.

- Dart

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