Thoughts of Mordred

[Mordred of Kaldor]

((OOC: Just a thread with a few IC thoughts of Mordy. Hope it gives an interesting read.




What a fool that man was. Mordred approached him in the Rose to see how he was. What he got was an equiped crossbow and a "What do you want.". So much for friendship and understanding between two friends of opposing factions. And on top of that, a bunch of elfs trying to protect him from a threat I did not pose. The fools. Saying all the stuff about the two of us wanting to kill eachother. The man had become paranoid. He knew he could get a far worse beating.

Everybody is criticising me for letting him go off easily. And I did. Fifteen lashes and a warning compared to a permanent injury is getiing off lightly.

But all this has helped me see all the prejudice that was there. Kaldorians. Always looking for fights and ways to hurt people. That is what they all thought. Even though they might pose as friends. Why didn't our so called common friends tell him to stop his crazy crusade against us? I guess, him wanting to attacks us and draw our blood is fine by them. Hypocrits. The elfs were no less prejudiced than anyone else. Nothing said against Captain Devante, but when he gets caught and punished for continually attacking us we are at fault. It has been a long time since the moot in trinsic ended. Since then all we have done is defend what is our own and yet we are the ones that are wrong.

Maybe this whole passive stance we have taken against the Marksmen is wrong. And a great part of that stance is meh own fault. We are not in the wrong. And when we are attacked we are allowed to defend. I think it is time for the tables to be turned. If Devante does not heed my final warning and attacks us again, it will be Marksmen hunting season for us. At least then, the fool I called a friend and our socalled common friends will realise that up until now, they really had nothing serious to nag or worry about. Yes. Maybe giving them an actual reason to do so will show them how wrong they were. And then they can beg to stop us from wiping out this pathetic regiment of his. No. His men are just following his orders. Orders he alone has imagined. Jurell apologised ter us fer the Captains attacks on us and told us that they were not sanctioned. Fool of a man...

Can there ever be true friendship between two people in places of conflicting interests? Or is it just a fairy tale we would like to believe in and think "Okay, its good for as long as it lasts". If this is true then...how can I say to this young woman that she can trust me. That everything will be alright and that I will never hurt her. How do I know that for sure. I don't. And I will have to let her know. I will have to tell her.

Curse this fool I called a friend. He has ruined more things for me than he will ever realise or know. I am enraged. And if he does not heed my warning, I will follow it through. And I will leave him leading an army of incapacitaded archers good for nothing.

[Mordred of Kaldor]

Liar. Two faced scoundrel. Everybody was telling me to calm down. To give him another chance. People were trying to get us talking again. It seems that they made him think twice. Shelly and Gwen together must have succeeded. He passed by me, said something funny and grinned. Maybe he forgets easily. I don't.

Nonetheless, it eventually took me over as well. I wanted to talk to him but held a grudge. I wanted to see him try to talk to me so that I could realise that he was trully fine. I sat with Shelly at the tavern after saving Himasa from a murdurous mushroom. He was there talking to Cal. It took about five minutes till I caught up on the conversation.

Then he said the unthinkable. He fell so low in my eyes...I could not even begin to imagine what a hyena he was. His proposition was against everything I thought he believed in. I feel sorry for him. I feel sorry for his men. They follow him blindly and follow his every command. Not even one has ever even stopped to think what they were doing and why. Why. I wonder what his men and his friends would think about if they ever learned of the deal he tried to make. Unthinkable.
"Ah'll rip his bleeding heart out and feed it to the dogs!!" That's what I said that is what I believe. He is too much of a fool to be reasoned with. Maybe reasoning with his men and opening their eyes. Might work better than cutting their fingers off. I am not allowed to do that. I have been ordered not to. I will look like a fool not carrying out my threat. Orders are orders. I will open his mens eyes. If I don't manage this I could always rip them out eventually. One way or another, this will end. And he knows as good as we do that his men stand no chance. Not because they lack the skill no. They are a regiment of archers fighting against a well balanced and trained army. I am sure soon enough he will look for support from someone else. We will be prepared.

Poor girl. She tried so hard to make things between me and him better. I do not want to trouble her anymore about this though. Nothing can be changed, nothing can change the Marksmens sealed fate short from a miracle. I want to spend time with her. But there are so many things happening. I am trying to make time for everyone and everything. I really hope she realises it.

And then...there is the other. Old thoughts are the last to leave someones head.
I have to focus. Break Devante. Keep Serpents Hold. Everthing else will fall in place eventually.
The Yewmen. They have some nerve. Trying to arrest the Commander. They shall pay for it as will their loved ones and their whole families and friends. At least there is no one stopping me from maiming and killing them anymore. This I shall enjoy. A punishment long overdue.

I need rest. When all this is over I will take a leave. Go for vacation and relax. With the person that I choose. Then I will come back renewed and fresh for more fights.
Time to sleep.

[Mordred of Kaldor]

The fool did attack after all. No warning will ever get into his thick skull.

It was just as I thought. He had found aid. And what an aid it was. Knight Templars. History repeats itself is an understatement. No matter. The teamwork and training of this army is second to none. One minor injury is all we suffered nothing more. And as expected the Marksmen and their allies where quick to leave. Maybe some did hear my warning. All but one. Elise.

Commander took her away to Strongholt. Nothing left for me to do there. Went to Trinsic hoping for a more difficult battle with the militia. It nay 'appened. Natalie was there. But I didn't get the chance to talk to her.

Tired. Mentally and physically. I head back home. There he was. A fool in all his glory. Demanding from the Commander to release Elise. Naturally the Commander refused.

When a man starts going downhill it is always difficult to stop. He was loosing face day by day. There he was, a man that I believed was full of honour, taking an aimed coldblooded shot at the Commander, unarmed and not fully armoured. He quickly started to run after that, knowing what was going to follow. I am getting older it seems. I could not keep up with them. I needed a breath. Headed back to the Holt.

There they were. Devante with an injured Commander in his hands, aiming his bolt at her and Shelly trying to talk some sense into him. He never knew I was there. I could take him by surprise. I did. Shelly was quick to join in the chase. Once again..much quicker than me. He was running around dodging our attempts to knock him down. He was much faster than I was...and a hell of a lot more accurate than the last time I duelled him. Surprise. My shield saved my life many times. His speed, accuracy and luck saved his. I lost them again. What is happening to me. Nowhere to be seen. Nothing I could hear. I went back to the Commander.

He turned up with Shelly injured demanding Elise's release. I could not do the same thing I did before. I could not surprise him. Commander played it out well and even though I nay liked the idea of letting Shelly in their hands, Cal was right. He was not going to harm her anyway. He knows that if he hurts her Elise is as good as dead. And this is how this evening was closing to its end.

My bed. I find more comfort in it each passing day. I underestimated him. Crazy men can tap into pockets of strength they nay knew they had. And he was a raving lunatic last night. I will not do the same mistake again. I will be prepared for our next meeting. I have no remorse anymore. The moment I get my chance I will kill him. He is dangerous now. Only a direct order will stop me from doing that. And I hope I never get it. Visko seems ter feel the same way as me. No more defending. No more waiting around. Crush them with one swift organised strike. They cannot withstand our force. We have got new people to play around with in the face of the militia. The marksmen are no longer a game...

Rest, for tomorrow early in the morning you have to train. Train hard to fend off the strength of a lunatic and a fool that has no common sense. I will be prepared. And he will reach rock bottom...

[Mordred of Kaldor]

My bed again. Only tonight I don't want to sleep in it. This day was grand. I look forward to another one like this.

Militia. Too bad Klion was not there. Their numbers are tempting. The few of us that fought there, fought bravely indeed. We did take quite a few with us. Templars where with them as well. Seems they have decided to declare an unprovoked war against us. No matter. The militia and the rest loyalist forces shall meet the same end they did last time and crawl back to their pigs and sheep. After that it will be some time again before they choose to leave them. To add to the fun, upon returning to Trinsic at some point, we stumbled on an open gate with two Covians being taken by a bunch of Brigands. I dont know our standing with Cove right now but one of them was Hoagie. Myself, Shelly and Corwin jumped in and where met there by Brigands I did not even care to count. Face down on the ground again but once more a valiant fight. No shame. Brigands seem to be as balanced as an army. Nothing personal with them. At least they got more courage than any militia man will ever have.

I found some time ter spend with her and even had my fortune told. It is quite amazing how these so called fortune tellers always know and tell you what you want to hear. But again a fun thing to do.

Shelly turned up at the western gate. I was glad because I thought she had managed to escape. Shock. Commander had traded places with her.Why talk when we could just crush them like insects. Talon conducted the trade of prisoners. I thought then that our time had come and we would teach them a lesson.

There always is a but. We had a ceasefire with them? A pause of hostilities. And the reason. To fight alongside them to help defend Trinsic. I am sure that Gwen must have given Devante hell for his actions last night. So I can see why he would agree to this ceasefire. But us? Expected to fight alongside the same men that only minutes ago all I thought of was ways to subdue or kill. I am not sure if this is an order I will be able to follow. Even if I do, the moment this farse ends I will cut his head after Talon slits his throat. Then Visko can burn him whole. I see the logic behind it but after all, we are human. Even in feelings and thoughts there is a thing called inertia. You cant just shut em off or change them any darn time you want.

Corwin is a fine lad. He fought as bravely as any Kaldorian I have seen. He is disciplined and full of pride. He will a make a fine addition to the Mauls come Monday. He will have his test then and I will have a uniform ready and waiting for him.

[Mordred of Kaldor]

Trinsic. I reached the city and was prepaired for an attack by the militia. But what I saw was far worse than anything I could have prepared for. Hundreds of creatures, some I never knew existed, where pouring out of a hole in the ground. Defenders of Trinsic, amongst them Kaldorians as well, where fighting furiously. They kept coming wave after wave. No stop. We all fought bravely. After some point though, your strength just fails you. Thankfully, we were relieved by a new fresh bunch of defenders.

With the attack I would have imagined the militia would have attacked us from behind. Maybe they were under attack themselves or maybe they were aiding some other place where a similar attack might have occured. Eitherway. After all this fighting I was glad they didn't show up. I am waiting impatiently for them though.

The ceasefire has held up till now. They have not even hinted of an attack on the island. But, I try to avoid them as much as I can. All I need is one stupid remark from them. I am edgy as it is. Only one I saw last night was Elise. She was content in hanging around with us. The moment I even tried to confront her, more like a game in fact, I was told to stand down by the Viper Captain. Strange. Maybe I am the only one that has a thing for all of them now. Because the people that follow a fool are more fools themselves. No matter. One day this attack will be over and we will finally send them packing. Elise though...there is something about her. She is not the same as the rest of them. I have not seen Devante yet or his young lieutenant. I better not...

Corwin. I have to give him his Maul test tomorrow. I hope we find time for it. I will have to ask permission from the Commander of half an hours absence, in order for him to complete it. I hope I get it. The rest can handle the creatures on their own for that time. I must also ask Jones if he has his armour ready. The lad will do just fine. Mauls numbers will be picking up again. I am glad about that.

Tomorrow will be a full and hard day.

[Mordred of Kaldor]

Eventful day. Corwin is a Maul. And not a moment too soon. He was overly excited I guess and started picking on Shelly not in a bad way though. It eventually did lead ter them heading off fer a couple of duels. Never matter though. He did learn a very important lesson. The difference between a new Maul and a seasoned Veteran Maul Knight. No harm done. Once he gets used to the new armour and feels more comfortable with it I am sure he will be an even match for any maul. I have high hopes for that lad.

Trinsic was still under attack from these monsters. And the marksmen had set up what seemed to be a small outpost near the moongate. More like a camping site if you ask me but...an outpost with some protection nonetheless. The fool was there. I avoided him as much as I could. At some point we cross paths on the way to the Rose. All he said to me was "Good day." Even that was enough ter tick me off. I left before I did something that would violate my orders. Went to Trinsic. Fought a brief time with those creatures but I was no match for them.

I was just hanging around with Shelly when I get notified of an attack to Stonekeep. Most exciting news I had all day. Ofcourse the downside of it was that the marksmen were going with us. I simply paid no attention to them...

We reached Stonekeep. A good number of us. Stonekeep was underdefended. After a bit of running around we managed to get all the defenders. They were good no doubt about it. I saw Cecil talking to a young lass and we ended up taking her in. From her blabberin I found out she was the daughter of Klion. Grand prize indeed but she offered no resistance. I had my doubts. Whoever she may be she is a woman who did not fight back. She didnt seem to have much of a military training other. Although..sometimes looks can be deceiving.

Well she was important anyway. We were chased all the way to Yew moongate. Stopping and fighting all the time. We were not only attacked by militia though. We were attacked by some that were out of uniform. The faces where familiar but nothing more than that. We battled at the moongate. After a small break of fighting the rest jumped in. For some reason I could not. I was waiting for a while. Time would pass and eventually I would be able to get through.

I was struck by an arrow. Immediately armed up and went after my attacker. We fought for what seemed like hours. Curse those archers. When the got speed as well they are a real pain...It was an even fight. At some point though meh shield an sword where too heavy for me. My parry arm felt numb from all the hits it had taken. I threw them down and got my axe out. A gamble but this would have never ended any other way. Again after quite some time we where both standing. It was obvious that the winner of this duel would be the one that got that little extra luck. It was not me. Ah could see he was close to falling so I let down my guard and went straight for him. Two shots came through and I was face down. These archers are starting to turn into a problem.

Having lost the others and injured I came back for rest. We did get away with a good prisoner after all. Exciting day all in all. And I dont mind being struck down. I always learn. And I will find those archers weak spot. Well..the ones that are fast enough cause the rest cause no problems.

[Mordred of Kaldor]

Been some time since I had the time to sit and think about some things. Too many things happening. Too fast.

Least of my worries are the Marksmen. With the fool missing his men are quite alright. Heck, even Charlotte gave me a Christmas present. I don't mind his absense. If anything, it is one less headache. But everyone else seems to worry. They have arranged one more search party. I have a feeling that this time I wont be so lucky and he will show up. I'll just have to wait and see. It goes without saying that I will not attend.

The Yew militia. We are supposed to be at war with them. Seems things have cooled down a bit. Maybe in the spirit of the days. I find myself fighting more brigands and thugs, than Yew Guardsmen. Either way I have my share of fun.

I believe though that people have started to lose their minds. Pregnant woman attacking me and only moments later giving birth to her child. Nemo going off to seek some comfort and ending up missing a very important member.

Cal is...well I dont know what to think. Kai has been gone again for quite some time. She seems to believe that he has disappeared again and gone for good. I guess time will show. But this. She was in a bad state when I saw her last night. I knew right away she wouldn't be drinking her tea..so I got her a bottle of whiskey. It was going down pretty fast. She asked questions that are so general. Questions that noone has the answer to. And even if you do, people see them more like an excuse other than anything else. I tried to tell her that sometimes things just happen, maybe some of which one has no control over, and that she shouldn't give up and start blaming herself.

I was such a fool. The only one that she was not blaming was herself. I got told off like a 10year old lad. Her words hurt and I wanted to hit her so hard... But I care for her so I just left the table and sat at the bar drinking my ale. She was troubled enough. I had no reason to add to her sorrow. What makes me sad is that she never did forgive me. That I just realised. She always will have this in the back of her mind. And she will be recalling it whenever she sees fit. It is a pity. But I did try so very hard to regain her trust and her affection. I waited patiently for months for her to make her choice. Her words today...bitter comments. I will not involve myself anymore. I will not try to make her feel better because all I do is make things worse. She might think that I am angry and holding a grudge. It is best for both of us if we just forget what we once had.

This is such a hard time for me. My emotions are literarily all over the place. I am angry at stupid fools who wish to taunt us Kaldorians and at the end they go hide behind a lasses skirts. I am sad when I realised Cal never did forgive me. I am confused as to what I must do with Natalie. She is a wondeful woman. Anything a man can ever dream of having. Once you get her to open up. She is funny, cheerful, trusting and comforting. Extraordinarily sweet. *smiles to himself*. She is wonderful. But it seems that our free time together is not enough. When I do get the chance to see her its usually in the middle of fights and then one of the two of us are wounded. Like what happened the other day. I saw her hurt and I went crazy taking my men in pursuit of someone. I never saw her again that day. I care for her but she seems to think that I am a grand man. That I will never let her down. I have already in more ways than one. Bottomline is, I will not be able to give her what I should. And telling her that is a lie. She never asked me for more that is true. But I know she wants. Because I want it to. And I can't seem to manage to have it.

I'll be leaving for Gorimdor in two weeks time. Shelly will be coming as well. We both have a lot to think about and we need time we dont have here. Veggeta came back from wherever he has been for the past few months. Only for a short time though. I know how he feels...But we are idiots to feel this way it seems accordin to some.

Got many things to straighten out with a lot of people. Decisions will be hasty, some of them even wrong. Some may seem unfair and some irrational. I have thought about all this so much..but I cant seem to straighten even myself out. So they might not see it. But they are all better off this way.

[Mordred of Kaldor]

Day started off pretty well. Found everyone in the Marauderin Kaldorian. Seems it was decided to take a break today. What better than some fun with all the rest of the Kaldorians. Truth be said we have not had such fun in a long time. Something that should happen more often. We have been mingling with others far too long now and have forgotten how fun an all Kaldorian night is.

This was too good to be true ofcourse. The moment I stepped in Cal wanted to talk with me alone. I went along. Cal apologised for the other night. Very funny. Not the apology but the fact that I felt guilt. She was nay wrong in all honesty. Things would be fine if I hadn't left, doesn't matter if I had a choice or not. So it was an apology I nay wanted. Nonetheless she apologised. Fine up to now. All hell broke loose afterwards.

Started talking about Shelly and Vegetta. I told her I feel sorry for him but he aint the first man this thing happened to and he aint going to be the last. I know only too well how he feels right now. He will get over it though as did the rest of us. It is hard but things dont always turn out the way we planned them. I do not want to remember the details after that. I was called everything ranging from dead to twofaced all the way to cradlesnatcher. And there was a big fuss afterward. I didn't want to stay and listen to the rest. She was the first to leave the room though. I followed out of it and removed my sash. I will not cooperate with someone that refuses to listen and storms out before I have finished talking. I still consider myself a soldier of Kaldor, I will always be one. It is what I am. I will fight alongside my men. But apart from that I consider myself to be on leave and off duty until I leave for Gorimdor. If and when the need arises I will act as my duties expect me to act.

I went and sat at the temple of Dondinia. Temple of Raza was my first choice but with all the energy there I doubt I would have cooled off at all. I found the other temple more calming. I picked myself up after a little bit and headed back to the tavern. On my way the ever caring Gorn was all over me asking me if I was alright. I see my barging out of the tavern did nay go unnoticed. Mistake. I will have to remember not to show these things in front of the rest. But anyway Cal had made such a big fuss about things I doubt this time I could have avoided it.

My good luck did not leave me though. We were attacked shortly after by a bunch of Brigands I can only guess. We stood our ground well and fended their attack. What stupid people attack Kaldorians when they are all together in their own tavern drinking. We did have quite a few injured though.

*chuckle* Again I tried to talk to Cal. She met me in the temple of Raza. All I wanted to tell her was that what happened to Veg aint not at all different to what she did to me. She told me I am not the man she loved. Well...She was right about that. I was not the same man. My priorities have changed quite a bit. So has the way I protect myself. But I am in no case the heartless bastard she thinks I am. Before I could finish talking to her Shelly comes inside wounded telling us of a second attack only a few minutes after the first one. Cal and mehself armed up but what we saw was a lot of our men injured again and just the two of us left to fight. We did what any selfrespectin Kaldorian would do and charged. We were overwhelmed by their numbers. Soon after a few vipers joined in but they could not fend them off either. Guess it was a tie for today. It would not have been if we weren't scattered after the first battle.

Apart from minor injuries everyone was fine. I couldnt see Cal anywhere. I ran to the Temple of Raza and found her there on the floor. She was alright and sat up heavily. She looked at me with such dislike I could not handle at that moment. Hence the only words that came out of my mouth were these. "Stay out of my personal life. You want to criticise what I do fine. Do it alone or with someone else quietly. This whole fuss that happened over my personal life is utter nonsense." She got up and started walking with a limp. Curse my weakness. I will always have a soft spot for her no matter what she sais about me or what she thinks. I tried to stop her and talk to her but I was faced a couple more bitter comments.

Foolishness. I still do not understand why what I do with my personal life must be open to comments and common knowledge to everyone. Everyone best stay out of it from now on.
I have sent a letter to Natalie asking her to meet me today. The sooner I talk with her the better. I've hurt her enough already. She does not deserve this.

The sash remains off me until I feel me and the Commander can talk again without having to fight in public. The sooner poeple stop concerning themselves with things that is of no concern of theis and none of their business the sooner we can get on with the important stuff.

[Mordred of Kaldor]

Was a much better day today. Well...at least towards the end of it.

Started off going to Trinsic hoping to find Natalie. Nay saw anyone at the gates. Headed fer the Keg. Found two Duchy guards none of them was her. And I also stumbled upon Cal and Megan. Ofcourse the moment I stepped in Cal walked out. So I sat inside with Gorn and Shelly trying to have a peaceful drink.

Megan returned and looked at me with meaning. I know she wanted to hear my side of the story. She always has been a good friend and as it seems she always will be. I was prejudiced to start with so I gave her the same attiture I gave everyone daring to question me on this subject. She took my first explosion and when I calmed down we decided to go somewhere quiet and I would tell her the story from the beginning.

It was almost time for the expedition to save Devante. I had promised Gwen I'd be there but...this was more important for me. A man less made no difference and they did find him anyway.

Megan sat and just listened to all this long story and how everything had happened. It seems as if when I finished she understood me at least. And at least she didnt say what she had said earlier on. That I have changed and become a different man. She saw I was still the same. Having one person understand was very helpful. If only Cal could get out of her strop and then this whole thing can cool down. What Megan said was true. She had always hoped,as had I, that things would be back they way they used to be. The way they were supposed to be. I'm never the one to hide behind my finger. But sadly this whole idea had ended a few months back and Megan just realised as well there is no fixing this ever again.

Shelly came and found us. They were back from the expedition and they had found Devante. Thought I ought to pay him and and mostly Gwen a visit since I nay kept my promise. There was a crowd outside the elven infirmary so I just headed straight in. Devante was in bed. Gwen was at his side as was Ruadnit. A few more were there as well includin Cal. Her reaction as of late was instant. She told me I should leave. But to my surprise Gwen came to me and asked me to try and talk to Devante. Maybe if he could listen and I got him angry they could get a reaction out of him.And we sure did...

I tried with a reminding him of a few ugly details frem our past but apart from an eye openin slightly didnt get much more than that. Then I looked at Gwen and it came to me. I whispered in his ear "Devante, Gwen is too good fer yer and when yer die, she beh all mine". It was comical. Suddenly he calls my name and then lands a punch straight on my nose. Mission accomplished. They did find something in his mouth and they removed it to examine what it was. Ruadnit came to look after my nose cause it was swollen, thankfully not broken. I'd have to let my hair grow again if he had broke it.

I had forgot she was there. "Dont touch it! Dont help him! He deserves everything he gets!" Cals voice echoed in the room. I snapped. And had enough of that attitude. What I replied was not to my liking. I didnt want to hurt her anymore. If she was hurt she didnt show it. She just remained silent. She did leave a bit later though with elise and headed towards the Rose for a drink. Never saw her again that night. Arinar had passed by. Been some time since I last saw him again. This man always makes you laugh. And he did cheer me up. He was also moaning for a dentist. Was funny. *chuckles*

I just hope things will calm down and I hope I'll find Natalie too so I can talk to her and explain what has happened. I have thought of many reactions she can have. But her reaction is not what concerns me. My concern is one. She opened up a bit. She looks as if she can start trusting people again. I dont want her to lose that. Things that happened are one thing. But she left. Different people. And I really dont want to be the one more black chapter. Can't do anything more than wait and see and hope.

[Mordred of Kaldor]

*looks at the fire burning in the fireplace at shellys home*

Everything is like you. People. Feelings. One consumes everything they have and are then left with nothing and die out. I will not let that happen to me.

They can all criticise me. People always do in their ignorance. Everyone always reach their own conclusions and judge you based on what they think they know. I don't blame them. I have done so myself in the past. But it is never pleasant when you're on the receiving end.

Natalie wrote me a letter. I opened it expecting to read when we could finally meet. But what I read was not something I enjoyed. She decided to leave. Seems someone thought it good to talk to her before I had the chance. Seems that someone does not even know me at all because they must have thought that I was planning to avoid it. I will find out who did it. And when I do they will learn what trying to avoid someone really feels like. They stripped away my chance and right to talk to her. I shall pay them back for this. But someone who knows the whole situation could have let this out. And those people I can count on the fingers of my hand. I will find them.

Cal still has the same attitude. I do hope she changes it soon. I am a patient man. But patience runs out. I will not let this matter interfere with the Army. As anyone else she may think what she wants. But she best darn keep it to herself. This whole damn situation started with her outburst.

And Veg. He cannot help but not wanting to be around us. I know how he feels. But I also know that he will get over it or at least he will learn how to live with it and eventually, one day, he will find someone else.

Kaelyn has changed a lot. Seems that the whole situation has made it easier for her to be mad and angry at someone. I saw the change when the war with Yew started. Her decisions and her orders to the other guards where those of an angry commander of an army not those of a captain of a town guard. I am glad for her in that aspect. She will be able to do her job better. What she hasn't learned yet is not to apply this to her personal feelings as well. She will learn though eventually when she realises that this only leads to isolation.

As for Natalie. Damn her for not letting me speak to her. She might never forgive me for what happened, and I will never forgive her for running off. I so much wanted to talk to her but I will never get the chance now anyway. I hope she will be fine wherever she is now.

This whole story is finished for me anyway. On second thought, I will not find out who talked to her. Whoever did that will get what's coming to them eventually. Its how life is. What goes around comes around. I will get on with my life and whoever doesn't like it can choke on their bad thoughts. I will not trouble myself anymore. I am happy now. And I won't let anyone spoil this for me. I will be the best man I can to Shelly and her child and I will try to be the best Sergeant I can be towards the men and women in this army. Whoever interferes especially with that will curse the day their mothers gave birth to them. This Army comes first and I have swore to do my best for it. I will be loyal to my General and obbey my Commander's and Captain's orders. Enough of petty and foolish arguments!

We were defeated by the Militia today. I arrived late and tried to make a stand with Veg Kali and Devante. Hm. Devante. Mixed thoughts there. I'll wait and see. Maybe what he went through has changed him. Then again maybe not. In which case I will enjoy killing him when this whole stupid ceasefire is over.

Just like Gorn said. Lad is right fer once. We all have our ups and downs. Well I just stopped going down. Hit bottom both as an officer and as a person. I will only be going up from now. Which reminds me I have to find Amber and see if she is ready to apply for becoming a Maul. But she never did show up at the training I told her to.

I'll kick back and relax for the rest of the night. I have many things to think about. Things to arrange for the time I will be away in Gorimdor.

*gets a log and throws it in the fire*

We only completely consume ourselves when we are dead. The fire will burn on. Whether people may like it or not...

[Mordred of Kaldor]

Being back sure felt good. You cannot get bored in these lands. Everything is shifting continuously. Some good, some bad. The only bad news I heard when I came back is the injury of Keina. Seems she was tortured along with another called Kimi by a drow that I heard Talon torched. She seems...changed to me. As if...as if she has forgotten many things. She does remember us and things that have happened in the past yes. But...it is as if the child has completely embraced her drow heritage and is learning our native language from scratch. It is odd because she never did that. If anything when you asked her she would always say she was half elf and not half drow. We had some fun together yesterday and at least she forgot her troubles for a bit I hope.

The next although not that much surprising be Vesper. When I left for my trip to Gorimdor we were still allied with them. When we came back I was told to defend Trinsic against them. Although I have not really understood why I have done so and will do so until told otherwise. That is why when myself and the Mauls Ranec and Shelly walked by the gate and saw Kaelyn being dragged injured and unconscious by numerous Vesperians we had no choice but to confront them. The end result was predictable. What was not was that they took me prisoner as well.

Kaelyn was unconsious and dragged by one of em sloppily. The nagging person left her there so I offered to carry her. It is better than being dragged across half the lands. Shown to a cell I was coupled with Kaelyn who had come out of her sleep. Needless to say she was quite agitated to be in the same cell as me. I requested they gave her some medical attention and they actually did it.

Was expecting the usual. A beating here, a lashing there, for opposing the forces of Vesper. Surprisingly that never happened. Not only was the cell more like a luxurious inns' room I was treated with the respect that my rank holds. Was offered ale by Davion himself and we had a quite...pleasant chat...
Our chat made me realise one thing. I do not know who our real enemies and friends are. We have been allied and warred with every single faction I can remember, apart from the Guardsmen Militia ofcourse. Those are true enemies. The rest...Let's just say there are friends and likings everywhere, but real hatred for someone? Not anymore. At least not for me. I am a soldier following orders. Sentimental nonsense like what happened with Devante have no place in this. There is no need for anything like that to happen again. I will fight Vesper as I am still ordered to fight them when defending Trinsic. But I can still have a good bottle of ale with them it seems.

Fighting upstairs. Seems the army has mounted a rescue mission. I wish I could get word out that it was not needed. I wish I could warn them that the Vesperians here are many and well organised and prepared for an event like this. The fighting sounds stopped coming from above and moved outside of the building. I could tell they were being pushed back.

Talon had got through though and we left together.

Back in Trinsic I saw that noone was seriously injured so that was good. The message was delivered as well.

Hanse was right about one thing. Our numbers are low. We are not the army we used to be. The council has not been sending us the reinforcements needed. But what he said showed me that we are still a formidable fighting force. That Kaldorian soldiers are still someone you would not want to have fighting against you. What they don't know is that while I was in Gorimdor I spoke to a few people. Things might be changing soon.

The Mauls are back up in numbers. I plan to get them up and running and active once again as they used to be. I tried to start this on thursday but for unforseen reasons I had to cancel that. A temporary delay. But our biggest problems are the lack of skirmishers. Mauls can box up and move straight on taking hits. But it is hard for us without skirmishers harrasing the opponents making our advance easier and with less casualties.

Shelly is doing great. And I am happy with her. Everyone seems to have forgotten about things apart from Kaelyn. I believed that yesterdays trouble would have softened her up a bit but it doesnt seem so. And not only her. Even the Duke's mood seems to have changed towards me. Tough. I cannot do anything to help that. Let them curse behind my back all they want. Everyone gets whats coming to them sooner or later. Even myself.

I think I will be hanging around Vesper a bit more if they don't attack me on sight. Seem like a more pleasant bunch these days than the Trinsicans. They act as if they are also doing us a favour to be there. Like they are putting up with our being there even though we have been injured in their defence many a time. No matter. Time will ultimately decide.

One last ale and then I'm up to the room for rest. Shelly has not returned yet. She must be having more of that girl talk with Jhan. Corwin was a surprise. He changed his appearance. Changing appearances is something you do when other things change inside you. He was more intimidating. Maybe this means that the young Maul is starting to see things for what they really are like I have. I hope that lass he is with now does not change him back.

After a month of good life...being battered and bruised feels good. I am living again.

[Mordred of Kaldor]

What a mess.....

Commander is leaving for Gorimdor to see Kai. She thought it wise to leave me as acting Commander. *grumbles to himself*. What do I know about politics, about the backstabbing nobilities of this land. These people can take a single sentence and twist it to whatever they want to believe. My temper is only matched by my ego. I will have to learn to control it now the hard way. I am not sure if I will manage though. She should have told me though. She should have asked me before she left.

The need for a General and Captains is clear to me now. Everything was put upon this one person. Her leaving now might leave us disorriented for a while. We'll snap back into it though. But..I am a simple Sergeant. And a simple man at that as well. Maybe if she gets good news..maybe then she will hurry back. I know how hard it is to stay away from these lands. Going home is nice, but for some odd reason you get addicted to the lands and people here. Maybe as well if good news reaches the ears of the General and the Captain..maybe then they too will get out of their hiding places and start doing the jobs their rank carries and not let sergeants and a single Commander lift all this weight.

I will do my best and give it my all. I have no other choice. I will not be responsible for letting this army falter. Tonights Maul meeting will be a meeting for everyone. We have things to talk about.

Bleedin viper had to go and retire. He's done this before. He knows what to do. I have to talk to him and ask for help.

[Mordred of Kaldor]

Was my first day today. Eventful to say the least.

We had a meeting to discuss a few things. And how I needed some help in this because I can't do it on my own. I cannot understand how she handled this pressure and all the small problems that always come up. Quite a few turned up maybe seven or eight of us. Was nice to see that.

Surprise was seeing the General entering the Tavern. It has been a long time since I've seen Kaldorians get up so fast and salute as sharply as they did that night. After stocking the tables up with the necessary amount of ales the meeting was continued.

I am not all that clear about what happened at some point. The tavern was "stormed" we could say by Gwen. Her crossbow in hand. The crossbow didn't matter. My first thought was that Trinsic was under attack and she had come for aid. But she confronted me as to why Kaldorians had fled the battle. That is absurd.

As I was at the Tavern with the General talkin I had noticed some got up and left chading after Hugo. The lad had got up and left in the middle of the meeting saying something about Trinsic which I quite didn't get. Doing that with no permission is not acceptable. So I saw some of the rest rise and go after him to bring him back. Or that is what I thought. They did return after some time but nothing was said and the meeting was resumed.

I calmed Gwen down and told her that Kaldorians would never have fled battle. She accepted that and sat a bit with us. Soon after Devante and another three marksmen came asking the same thing. I was starting to loose my patience. Devante was told that the General was inside and asked to see him. I let only him enter because the last time the General saw Marksmen we were at eachothers throats. I was not certain if he was actually informed of our status with them now. The rest stayed outside. When I exited the tavern again Genty was saying something to Kade obviously implying something. I will not take those things being said about us and not on our own turf.

When I asked the young marksman where they were when Trinsic was attacked and Kaelyn was dragged by them he just turned his back and left. Three of us happened to pass by then and we jumped the Vesperians who had come down there with full numbers. Resulting in my being captured as well. Noone shall talk of Kaldor like that when we have proven for quite some time what we do.

After all had left we went to the tavern in Trinsic and had a couple more ales with the General and then we called it a night.

Talked with Shelly a bit before we went to bed. She supports me a lot. She is great. I do not regret anything.

[Mordred of Kaldor]

Next time I will not arrange a tournament. I'll take them to the Marauderin Kaldorian, get them drunk. They will start fighting eachother and then I'll declare the champion without them knowing it. Its the only way you'll get them to duel. Only four of us showed up last night. After a very close match with Shelly DoLittle got the title again. I swear you slay deamons easier than you get him down.

Was very quiet. No action whatsoever. Rose was a good idea. A drink with Shelly there would help me relax. And relaxing it was. Until of course this man named Orlando came and wanted to talk about me offending Lady Jade by calling her a wench. By the look of him he was one of those arm wavin darn magicians and I do tend to avoid fights with em. We talked a bit but where interrupted by Keina yelling "West Gate!".

Shelly and I armed up and ran to the gate. There we saw what looked like a bunch of monks and a lot of unconscious guards laying on the ground. The two of us confronted about seven of them. They were saying we were sinners and that they are saints and that we should bow accept the one true god. Yewmen ah thought. Taunting us again.

A guard jumped from behind them and let off an arrow providing us with the distraction we needed. A couple of them chased him down and I went after them. Shelly I think just charged their ranks head on which was not very wise and she was unconscious by a spell volley. After a while the "Saints" numbers where down to four. And ah found mehself surrounded by them. It struck me as odd why they stopped when I was the only one left. They told me to lay down my sword and accept the one true god. Nonsense...Seems they never met a Kaldorian before. So I raised my sword ready for the fight.

Cheeky monks. The moment I did I was immobilised. And waited for the standard outcome after that while having two of them speaking those dreadful words.

That man truelly is something. He jumped out of the shadows like a lightning and disrupted the one person. I managed to break free of the spell and took the beating of the other. Went round the corner. Shook my head a bit and recomposed myself. Then went to charge back. He was still there. Hacking at them joined by what appeared to be a drow lass. The three of us made short work of them. I just had to say it. "Seems yer lot have never heard of Raza."

We let them be on their way. After talking to Talon he told me they were Vesparians. Why would they attack in disguise though. They already are at open war with Trinsic. If that was true though some things that happened did make sense. I will trouble myself later with it.

Resumed my talk with Orlando. After a few ales and a few jokes he left the Tavern. Nice man he seems. And a man of his word too. We'll see what happens with this Jade lass. Maybe he can straighten her out and make it possible fer someone to coexist in the same space as her.

Pleasing night it was. And it was more pleasing later.

Tomorrow night the Captain be leading the training. I do hope he has not lost his touch and it will be every bit as painful, tiring and frustrating as I remember it.

[Mordred of Kaldor]

After all these years...I still have so much to learn.

I don't know what it is about him but this man commands authority wherever he is and in whatever situation. Not only to us Kaldorians, but to the rest of the people of these lands.

A swift punishment dealt inside Trinsic was something that had not happened for years. After the man insulted us and Talon in particular we just surrounded him. Gave him three chances to apologise and when he didn't..we roughed him up. Noone could say we were wrong in all honesty. That is why noone stopped us.

I will have to watch him closely and learn. Too bad he wasnt around for all this time I have been a sergeant. He left soon after I got promoted. Back then I didn't care to watch and learn. I had my own ideas. Sadly I saw most of them did not work out. Now he will have my undivided attention.

Serpents Hold got raided last night. The brigands made off with some of our supplies. We will have to take them back somehow. Ofcourse there is an opportunity to do this tonight. I heard Gwen got kidnapped by them and that Devante is mounting a rescue mission. Two birds with one stone I think. Get Gwen back and get our supplies back. Maybe also destroy a building here and there as a warning to stay away. I have to check about that though. We are short on sappers and I doubt many of their buildings will be made of wood.

Yewmen again last night. Show up, lure you in their numbers and another perfect ambush is created. The alliance should not have stopped then...We should have pushed them all the way to oblivion. Although they cannot do more than harrass us I believe the fight should be taken on their turf. Push them back again and not let them annoy us like that. Like busy little wasps stinging whenever they see fit. Get their bloodeh hive once and for all.

Had a nice talk with a couple of people too last night. Jade was the one. If yer could call that a talk. More like a monologue frem meh side. Ah think things will calm down though between us.

I am looking forward to our training on Thursday. Need the workout.