Jokes!

[Jhaniara]

Here's a few that made me laugh:

Bubba, an airline mechanic, was bragging to his boss one day. "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name Someone, Anyone and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "Okay, Bubba, how about Tom Cruise"?
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends and I can prove it."
So, Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba ! Great to see You! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Bush," his Boss quickly retorts.
Yep", Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
So, off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise. I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
The new Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba. "I've known the Pope a long time."
So, off they fly to Rome.
Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, this will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
He disappears into the crowd headed toward St. Peter's.
Sure enough, half an hour later, Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his Boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened"?
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and The Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba"?



There were 3 Older men all playing Golf one afternoon along with them thier long time Caddy. Well the 3 men were all talking about thier sons

First guy says "My son has this great job in the car sales and must being doing awsome. You see just the other day he was able to give away a fully loaded BMW to one of his friends."

Second Guy says " Thats good n all, but my son was able to give away beautiful 3 story house on a 3 acre plot of land to one of his friends"

Third Guy says "Well as you my son is into selling stocks and bonds, Well the other day he gave away a ton of stocks from all the best companies to one of his friends" then he turns to the caddy and asks how his son is doing.

Caddy "Well i dont like what my boy is doing but im proud of him cuz he's my boy. He is a Go-Go dancer in a gay bar. But he must be doing well cuz this last week he received a new fully loaded BMW, a beautiful 3 story house on a 3 acre plot of land, and a ton of stocks from all the best companies from a few of his clients"

[Hugo Windstone]

Three guys - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American engineer are together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.

"I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total" says the genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile Canada."

Pooooof! In the blink of the genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state."

Pooooof! Again, in the blink of the genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries..

The American engineer asks, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall".

The genie explains, "Well, it's about 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out. It's virtually impenetrable."

The American engineer says, "Fill it with water."

Pooooof!